LOST & FOUND PART 9
by DG Fisher
Summary: The memories of loved ones are carefully tended and shocking secrets are revealed. Will the Cartwright's extended family rise above their loses? Will Simon Albrecht get the revenge he is seeking, or will he get what he deserves?
1. CH 75 DESPERATION

LOST AND FOUND - PART IX  
  
DESPERATION  
  
Chapter 75  
  
Adam sped down the front stairs at top speed with his father following closely behind. He burst out of the front door, leapt down the steps, and raced up the front walk. The gate was open and he kept going as people on the sidewalk hurried to get out of his way. He whistled for Onyx and the horse came running, meeting him at the end of the drive.  
  
Ben finally caught up with him as he swung up into the saddle. Adam leaned down to grip his father's shoulder, hard, and spoke urgently, his voice roughened by fear and fury.  
  
"Pa, I have to go NOW!"  
  
"What happened?" Ben asked breathlessly.  
  
"Don't let anyone follow me, if they do Thomas is dead."  
  
"Thomas?" the older man echoed, going cold all over with sick dread.  
  
"Albrecht took him," Adam answered through clenched teeth and spurred Onyx into motion.  
  
Sensing his master's dark rage, the horse poured every ounce of his strength into running flat out and Ben was still standing there staring when they quickly passed out of sight.  
  
Then he slowly turned and made his way down the drive toward a group of men who were standing in a circle. They were all looking down at something large, lying on the ground. When he reached them, Roy stepped back and he saw that it was a dead body. The corpse's face was covered in soot and slightly burned by the fire, but Ben had no trouble at all recognizing Hugh, Thea's "first" husband.  
  
"Damn it," he said low and Roy gave him a sharp look.  
  
"Do you recognize him?"  
  
Ben reluctantly nodded. "Yes."  
  
"Well, who is he?"  
  
Moving back, he motioned for the sheriff to follow then quickly explained when they were far enough away from the rest of the men. He told Roy everything, how Thea's father had forced her to marry Hugh, how the man had been declared dead years later, and Adam's foresight in having the marriage annulled.  
  
Roy shook his head in disbelief. "What the hell happened here today, Ben?"  
  
"Evil came after our family in the form of Simon Albrecht and you can be sure that Hugh was working with him. How they met, I don't know, but all of this is Albrecht's doing." Both men looked up when Matt came toward them.  
  
"He didn't die as a result of the fire, he was shot in the back of the head," he said to Roy, and then turned to Ben. "Where's Adam?"  
  
"He went after Thomas.Albrecht took him," he said flatly and both men were clearly appalled.  
  
"By himself?" Roy asked.  
  
"Adam had to. He said if anyone else showed up Thomas would be dead."  
  
"Dear God," Matt breathed, his face blanching white while Roy's turned a deep red.  
  
"I hope Adam kills him," the Sheriff said without thinking, and then looked quickly away, sorry he had let his true feelings out.  
  
Matt was staring at the ground, his arms folded when he softly agreed. "I do too, and I hope that monster burns in hell."  
  
Ben nodded. "I guess that makes it unanimous...the man deserves to be drawn and quartered."  
  
The three fell silent for a moment, each one praying in their own way that both Thomas and Adam would come home unscathed.  
  
Roy was the first to speak and break the silence. "I guess we better move the body and continue the search for the guards Adam hired."  
  
"If they're smart and want to keep breathing, they're miles from here and on their way out of the country," Ben said grimly while moving toward the back door with Matt as Roy went to take charge of the body.  
  
Ben went in first and as soon as he came through the door the twins burst into tears, slid out of Dylan's lap, and ran for their grandfather. He bent down to pick them both up and stood, looking across the room at Mike, who was holding Benjamin, and John, who had Matthew.  
  
"Where's Thea?" he asked, surprised that the deputies were taking care of the children. The three men glanced at each other before Dylan answered.  
  
"Thea's been injured, Mr. Cartwright, and we think she must have walked in on whoever took Thomas. Ted's working on her right now, but we haven't heard anything about her condition yet."  
  
Without a word, Matt rushed out of the kitchen through the doorway that led to the front hall and Ben closed his eyes for a few seconds as he tightened his hold on the twins. Alexander and Annalise had stopped crying and they didn't protest when he gave them back to Dylan. He kissed each one on the top of the head, promised them he would come back, and then hurried from the kitchen.  
  
Hoss and Nate were pacing back and forth in front of the examining room door, but they stopped when they saw the older man coming.  
  
"How is she?" Ben asked, not liking the bleakness of their expressions.  
  
"Haven't heard yet Pa, but it looks bad," Hoss answered, shaking his head.  
  
"Do you know what happened?"  
  
Nate spoke up. "Looks like Albrecht threw her up against the wall, and then kicked her twice when she was on the floor." The deputy's face was etched with harsh lines of fury when he continued. "Ted thinks she was probably facing him when he kicked her the first time, but she curled up to protect the baby. Then she must have turned over, so the second kick hit her in the lower back, on her spine."  
  
"And then he took Thomas..."  
  
Nate nodded, "We know, we found the note in Thomas's crib, and if Adam isn't back here in the next couple of hours we're going to have to go after him no matter what it said."  
  
Ben nodded, understanding the deputy's reasoning and was about to answer when the examining room door opened and Ted came out. He closed the door firmly and held up a hand to stave off their questions.  
  
"She has a mild concussion from the back of her head hittin' the wall, so I'm not greatly concerned about that injury. The child she's carryin' seems to be fine at the moment, and I'm hopin' there won't be any lastin' effects there, but the blow to her spine has caused swellin' that is pressin' on her spinal cord. This has caused diminished feelin' in her legs right now, but I believe that will disappear once the pressure is gone."  
  
Ted leaned back against the door and ran a hand through his curly blonde hair as his leaf-green eyes sparked with fury. "Gentlemen, I swear that as a physician I believe in the sanctity of life, but right now I hope Adam kills that bastard and sends him to hell where he belongs!" Hoss and Nate were nodding as Ben responded quietly.  
  
"We all do, Ted. We all do..."  
  
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Adam's heart was beating so fast he could barely feel it, and when his hands and feet started to tingle he realized he had to calm down, his son's life depended on it. He clenched his teeth, and then began to take deep, slow and even breaths. Soon his head began to clear and he found himself seeing Thea in his mind's eye, curled up against the wall, blood matting the hair at the back of her head. He heard Matthew and Benjamin crying pitifully again, calling out to him, and he saw the note Albrecht had left in Thomas's crib.  
  
Come to the old Sayers farm by sunset,  
and come alone or the boy is dead.  
  
The note was unsigned, but there was no doubt in Adam's mind as to whom it was from. He felt the furious buzzing sound start up in his head again and he firmly reined his thoughts in, focusing on getting to Thomas with fierce concentration.  
  
The bottom edge of the sun was just about to touch the horizon when he turned Onyx into the lane that led to the farmhouse. When they were near the barn he reined the Morab in, pulling him up so abruptly the horse almost sat down. Every muscle in Adam's body was hard and tense, shrieking to go into action, but he forced himself to sit there and to listen through the sound of his own heartbeat thundering in his ears. Then he heard Thomas crying and the sound was coming from the other side of the barn.  
  
He vaulted from the saddle and ran, but skidded to a stop as he rounded the corner and Albrecht came into view. The man was standing next to a well holding one end of a long piece of rope in one hand. The other end of the rope had been thrown over the horizontal crank pole and was tied to a large basket that dangled over the well opening. A wave of pure, unadulterated hate broke over Adam and he almost cried out with the pain of trying to suppress it.  
  
Albrecht was smiling, the livid, puckered scar deepened into a hideous dimple in his one cheek as he laughed. Adam took an involuntary step toward him, but the other man held up one hand.  
  
"Don't come any closer," he said in an amused tone. "You wouldn't want me to become alarmed and let go." He tugged on the rope, jiggling the basket and the baby shrieked with fear.  
  
Adam's face went stark white and he had to close his eyes for a second, his heart clenching so painfully he thought it might burst. Albrecht laughed again.  
  
"All right, first things first.toss the gun belt and throw that handcuff case over here," he ordered and Adam forced his eyes open and did, resisting the urge to throw the case as hard as he could at the man's head. It landed right at Albrecht's feet, a puff of dust coating his boots.  
  
Simon bent down to pick up the case, carefully keeping his eyes on the other man. He opened the case, took out the handcuffs, and tossed them back.  
  
"Handcuff yourself to that ring in the barn wall," he ordered and Adam desperately tried to think of some way out. But he quickly picked them up when Albrecht jiggled the basket again and Thomas cried out.  
  
He went cold all over as he obeyed, locking one cuff around his left wrist and the other to the iron ring set in the barn wall. Then he tugged on them, hard, to show the other man they were locked.  
  
"Good boy," Simon laughed mockingly and tossed the keys down the well.  
  
"What do you want?" Adam asked through clenched teeth, shaking all over with suppressed rage, feeling as though the top of his head might fly off at any moment.  
  
"You want your child, I want mine. Tell me where that woman took them."  
  
"She took them to San Mateo for two days then brought them back to the city and to the orphanage," was Adam's prompt answer and the other man shook his head.  
  
"What orphanage?"  
  
"The Sarah Lightfoot Home."  
  
Albrecht let out a bark of harsh laughter, "You're taking all the fun out of this for me Cartwright, I figured I'd have to torture you for a while to get that out of you."  
  
"Are you really that surprised?" Adam ground out, glaring at the other man with contempt. "Do you really think I wouldn't do anything to save my son?"  
  
Simon gave him a nasty smile. "You're a sentimental fool," he said with disgust. "You'd even get down on your knees to beg me for his life, wouldn't you?"  
  
"Yes," was Adam's quiet answer and the other man shook his head.  
  
"So that nosy bitch took them to that orphanage named after your half-breed wife's mother...very clever," Albrecht said with some amusement. "Who is she?"  
  
"I don't know, nobody knows."  
  
The other man waved his free hand dismissively. "Well, that doesn't really matter. I'll find her eventually and she'll pay too," his eyes sparkled with malice, his attention diverted for a few seconds when Adam caught movement out of the corner of his eye near the well.  
  
"What now?" he asked in an attempt to keep Simon's attention focused on him and was filled with sick dread then the man laughed again.  
  
"I was just going to kill you both, but after that nauseating display of fatherly love I think I'll take Thomas with me." His voice rang with insane cheerfulness. "If I let you live and take the boy you'll be tortured every day of your life, wondering what happened to him. There are a lot of places I can leave him where his life will be anything but pleasant." Laughing, he tugged on the rope again and the baby screamed out his terror.  
  
"Stop it!" Adam shouted and instantly regretted losing his control when Thomas called out for him.  
  
Albrecht grinned with dark humor. "On second thought, maybe I'll just keep him with me and raise him as my own," he was saying when Adam saw a dark shape suddenly rise up from a long shadow being cast by the setting sun. The weakening light glinted off the knife in the dark figure's hand and everything seemed to happen at once.  
  
Simon drew his gun and turned, squeezing off one shot that went wide, hitting inside the stone wall of the well, and the second shot hit the dark figure in the chest as the knife arced down, penetrating deeply into the man's shoulder. Reacting instinctively, Adam pulled the two-shot Derringer from the small of his back, and as the knife sank into Albrecht's flesh he took careful aim and shot the man in the back of the head.  
  
The two went down at the same time, and as Simon let go of the rope, the dark figure grabbed it and the basket danced madly over the well.  
  
Turning away quickly, Adam took aim at the rusted iron ring the one cuff was attached to and carefully squeezed the trigger. The bullet deeply nicked the ring and he began to pull on it frantically to get loose.  
  
"Adam hurry!" A woman's voice, tight with pain, called out to him.  
  
"Hang on Joan!" he shouted and put one foot up against the old, cracked wood to pull as hard as he could. The splintering sound of the wood giving way almost drowned out the sickening snap of breaking bone and he landed on his back.  
  
Scrambling to his feet he rushed over to the well and grabbed the rope with his left hand. Leaning over very carefully he stretched his right arm out and snagged the handles of the basket. Still being careful, he set it on the ground and quickly untied the rope that held it shut. He flipped the lid back, and then groaned, "Oh God..."  
  
Joan tried to raise herself up to see into the basket but couldn't and fell weakly back. "What?" she gasped.  
  
"He's been shot in the head..." Adam choked out as he carefully reached in and lifted Thomas's small body out. He cradled the baby in his arms and felt for a pulse in his neck.  
  
"Is he alive?" Joan asked urgently, her voice deeply rough.  
  
"Yes..." Adam weakly answered, closed his eyes, and held the child close as the angry buzzing noise filled his head again. She reached out to dig her fingers into his ankle.  
  
"You take that baby home to Thea right now! Do you hear me?" She squeezed tighter when he didn't respond. "Adam! Go! Go right now!" Her nails digging into his skin finally got through his shock.  
  
Gently laying Thomas down, he reached for the handcuff case and opened the false bottom to pull out another key. He quickly released the cuff on his badly bruised left wrist, shrugged out of his jacket, and wrapped it around his son as he stood.  
  
"I'll send someone back for you as soon as I can," he said, looking down into her white face and burning eyes.  
  
"Go," she breathed weakly and he whistled for Onyx as he hurried away.  
  
She lay there listening to the hoof beats fading into the distance and stared into the brilliant colors of the sunset as they began to fade.  
  
"Why does sunrise always pale in comparison?" she softly murmured to herself, and then sighed deeply as her eyes fluttered closed. 


	2. CH 76 ONE AGAINST THE WOLF

LOST AND FOUND - PART IX  
  
ONE AGAINST THE WOLF  
  
Chapter 76  
  
Every window in the first floor of the cream-colored house blazed with light and people were still milling about, both in front and in back. Ben, Hoss, and the deputies were gathered on the front porch having a heated discussion about whether or not they had waited long enough for Adam to return. But everyone stopped what they were doing and turned toward the street when they heard galloping hoof beats approaching. Adam's voice shouting for Ted reached them even before he came into sight.  
  
"Get Ted," Ben said to Hoss and the big man hurried in the front door as everyone else rushed off the porch and into the street. Adam reined Onyx in and slid from the saddle in one motion as numerous hands reached to grab the horse's bridle and to try and take the bundle from his arms.  
  
Adam tightened his hold on the child and impatiently pushed his way through the crowd as Ted and Hoss burst out the front door. Then he ran for his brother-in-law.  
  
"It's Thomas.he's been shot in the head!" he called to the young doctor who held out his hands while gasps and groans swept through the crowd gathered in front of the house.  
  
"Give me that child," he ordered firmly and Adam handed the small bundle over without a second's hesitation. Ted hurried inside with Hoss and Ben following closely.  
  
Adam turned then and began to issue orders. "Nate! Find Matt. Mike, go down to the livery for a wagon and get out to Sayers farm. Joan's been shot in the chest and she's by the well on the far side of the barn. Dylan, go upstairs and get blankets from the linen closet. The temperature's dropping and you'll need them to keep her warm."  
  
Dylan raced up the front steps and into the house as Mike took off down the street.  
  
"What about Albrecht?" Nate asked.  
  
"He's dead," his boss answered shortly and without another word hurried into the house.  
  
"Good," Nate said emphatically, his usually smiling blue eyes hard and glinting like chips of ice. Then he turned to hurry out to the street and ran toward Matt's office.  
  
Ben and Hoss were standing outside the closed examining room door when Adam approached and the two men wisely did not get in his way. The door opened just as he reached for the knob and Ted stepped back to let him in saying, "Calm down, he's fine. The bullet didn't penetrate or even fracture his skull, it's just a flesh wound."  
  
Adam closed his eyes and put a hand up to cover his face as he breathed a sigh of relief. Both Ben and Hoss were quick to steady him when he swayed slightly.  
  
"Thank God," Hoss said low and Adam nodded as he moved forward and next to the examining table. He bent down over his son and carefully kissed him on the forehead then straightened up to cup the child's face with his right hand. A small white bandage covered the wound that was dangerously close to the child's temple and Adam frowned at how white his face was.  
  
Ben and Hoss stood at the foot of the table and Ted moved around to the other side, a bottle of smelling salts in hand.  
  
"I'm goin' to try and wake him up now," he said to Adam who nodded. "The first thing I want him to see is your face, so get ready to pick him up as soon as his eyes start to open."  
  
Adam nodded again and met Ted's intense gaze as the other man continued.  
  
"The poor kid's goin' to have one hell of a headache and will no doubt do some serious screamin', so be ready for that." He pulled the cork from the small bottle and a pungent odor wafted up as he waved it briefly under the baby's nose.  
  
"Come on Thomas...wake up," he said while rubbing the boy's belly with his free hand. "Wake up Thomas, don't you want to play blocks with me?" he waved the bottle again and this time the child turned his head away from the offensive smell.  
  
"Good boy!" Ted laughed. "Get ready, he's comin' out of it now."  
  
Adam carefully took Thomas into his arms and the child whimpered as he moved restlessly. His eyelids fluttered and finally opened, his dark green eyes staring unfocused up at his father for a moment. "Pa!" the child cried out and his little hands clutched at Adam's shirt as he burst into tears, his loud sobs wrenching the heart of everyone who could hear them.  
  
Bending his head down, Adam kissed him on the top of the head then spoke softly to him, reassuring the child that he was home and safe. Ben and Hoss quietly moved to stand on either side of him and Ben took one small foot in his hand while Hoss gently stroked the top of his head.  
  
Thomas looked up to see his uncle's loving blue eyes shining at him, and then looked down to see his Grandfather's smiling face. Then everyone jumped slightly, startled when they heard a loud thud and Thea's voice calling out her son's name.  
  
"Damn it, she CAN hear through anything!" Ted said under his breath and they all hurried from the room to see Thea hanging onto the railing of the upper hallway, trying to drag herself toward the stairs. As soon as she spotted Adam she tried to move too quickly and fell, calling out for her son again.  
  
Thomas began to struggle in his father's arms, took a deep breath, and bellowed "MAAAAAAAAA!" at the top of his lungs as Adam and Ted ran for the stairs. When they reached her, Adam immediately went down on one knee to put the boy in her arms. She clutched his small body to her breast and rained kisses all over his little face as her husband picked her up and carried them to the bedroom.  
  
He set her down carefully then shifted to sit on the bed and wrap his arms around them both. Ted turned away and stepped out into the hall when he heard footsteps coming up the back stairs. The twins in their nightclothes with Barbara holding Benjamin and Matthew appeared and he motioned for them to go in.  
  
Annalise and Alexander ran to throw themselves onto the bed and Barbara carefully put the babies down close to their parents. Adam and Thea somehow managed to get their arms around all five children and they huddled there in a tight group, sobbing and breathing soft words of comfort and thankfulness.  
  
Barbara turned quickly away, tears springing from her eyes and walked blindly into Ted who put his arm around her shoulders to guide her out into the hall, and then closed the door.  
  
The children and Thea succumbed to exhaustion and eventually all fell asleep huddled together. Adam carefully untangled himself, rose to get everyone settled under the covers, and then quietly left the room. He saw Ted, Ben, and John waiting for him in the front hallway and they moved toward him as he wearily came down the stairs.  
  
"Where's Hoss?" he asked vaguely, suddenly feeling bone achingly tired.  
  
"He took Barbara home," Ben answered, his dark eyes deeply concerned at how gray and drawn his eldest son's face was. "What happened?"  
  
Adam opened his mouth to answer, but Ted interrupted as he reached for his brother-in-law's right arm. "Before we get into any long explanations I want to get a good look at you," he said firmly and tugged him toward the examining room.  
  
Ben and John followed to stand in the doorway as Ted patted the examining table. "Have a seat," he said quietly but Adam didn't move. He held up a badly swollen left hand and grimaced with pain that movement caused.  
  
"You know, I didn't feel this before, but I think my wrist might be broken," he said, sounding puzzled as his knees started to buckle. Ben lunged forward and caught him around the waist before he went down and the three men managed to get him up onto the table before he passed out.  
  
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When Adam came to sometime later he opened his eyes to see Ben sitting on a stool next to the table and smiling down at him. "Pa," he tried to say, but had to clear his throat before anything came out. He started to sit up, but his father put a hand on his shoulder to push him back down.  
  
"Don't, you're still in shock and might pass out again," he said firmly and was glad to see his eldest son obey without an argument.  
  
Adam felt the familiar weight of a cast on his left arm and frowned at the memories that feeling brought up. "Thea...how is she?" he managed to say and Ben stood.  
  
"I think Ted should explain that to you," he said and went to the doorway to call for the young doctor.  
  
The tall, blonde man hurried in and smiled at Adam.  
  
"He wants to know how Thea's doing," Ben told him and Ted nodded.  
  
"She's goin' to be fine, don't worry," he said and leaned down to take a close look at Adam's eyes.  
  
"What did he do to her?"  
  
"Are you sure you want to hear that right now?"  
  
Adam shifted slightly toward the doctor and winced as a stab of pain traveled up his left arm. "Tell me," he insisted and the doctor sighed before telling him everything they knew and everything they had to surmise because Thea's memory of the attack was spotty. Then he carefully went on to describe her condition and to voice his belief that she would recover fully with plenty of rest.  
  
When he had explained everything he leaned one hip against the table, crossed his arms, and shook his head. "I heard you say that Albrecht is dead and I have to admit I couldn't be happier. If they were to bring him back alive, but badly injured, my Hippocratic oath would force me to help him and I don't think I could live with that."  
  
"Thank God you don't have to make that choice," Ben said and turned when Hoss's voice chimed in from the doorway.  
  
"Amen to that!" the big man said and came up to the table to put one huge hand on Adam's left shoulder.  
  
"What happened out there?" he asked and Adam blinked rapidly as he tried to get his scrambled thoughts in order.  
  
"Albrecht had Thomas in a basket suspended over the well with a rope," he began slowly and cleared his throat again as his brain began to function. He quickly told them the rest and when he finished they were all wearing the same horrified expression.  
  
"How could anyone do somethin' like that?" Hoss asked, his open face plainly showing how deeply disturbed he felt.  
  
"I don't know Hoss," his father answered and they all looked at Ted for his opinion.  
  
"I believe some people do things that we see as horrible because they're mentally ill, or because they have somethin' organically wrong with their brains. But someone like that monster in human form makes me believe that true evil really does exist."  
  
The four men fell silent for a few moments, each one contemplating that question until the doctor straightened up.  
  
"Hoss, why don't you help Adam back upstairs," he said, couching what they all knew was really an order as a request. "I need to be ready when they come back with Joan."  
  
Hoss slipped an arm around his brother's shoulders as Adam carefully sat up then slid off the table.  
  
"Please do your best for her Ted...we all owe her a deep debt of gratitude."  
  
"I will and don't you fret - you just go rest and leave that worryin' to me," Ted answered his voice ringing with authority and the corners of Adam's mouth lifted slightly as he met the other man's steady gaze.  
  
"Thank you," he said quietly and allowed Hoss to guide him out of the room and help him up the stairs. When they reached the bedroom he motioned toward the wingback chair sitting next to the bed.  
  
"I'll just sit down Hoss, I don't think I'll be able to sleep for some time yet," he whispered and Hoss just nodded in agreement. He sat down wearily, sighing deeply and his brother gave his good shoulder a firm squeeze.  
  
"Hoss," he said low, "everything in this world that matters the most to me is in that bed sound asleep. And I almost lost two of them today because of what I chose to do with my life."  
  
"That's not true," Hoss said quietly, but with conviction. "That man's evil heart is why you almost lost them."  
  
Shaking his head Adam sighed again. "There's always going to be another one to take his place, so how can I go on putting them in danger like this?" He looked up in surprise when his brother let out an angry breath.  
  
"Look here, I know I'm not nearly as smart as you or even anybody else, but I can tell you somethin' for sure. You can't stop bein' what you are."  
  
"But..." he started to argue and was surprised again when Hoss cut him off.  
  
"No 'buts' now. You know that's the truth and there's no sense in arguin' with it."  
  
Adam stared into his brother's angry blue eyes for a moment and then smiled ruefully. "I'll admit you may not have had much book learning, but I don't ever want to hear you say you're not smart again." His smile widened when Hoss blinked, and then blushed slightly as he ducked his head.  
  
"Promise me you won't say anything like that about yourself again," he insisted and his brother mumbled a faint, "I promise," as he turned and fled the room, overcome by his brother's unstinting praise.  
  
Chuckling quietly to himself, Adam leaned back and relaxed, his heart filling with gratitude for his family, his chosen family, and the Lord's sweet mercy as he watched his wife and children safely sleep.  
  
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The sky was clear and studded with stars when the distant sound of a wagon approaching could be heard. Simon opened his eyes, his weak breath coming out as thin white wisps in the cold air. Groaning he tried to move but couldn't, his coldly heavy limbs refused to obey, and he stared fixedly up at a brightly blurred round shape that he realized was the moon. Then he faintly heard movement to his left.  
  
A dark shape looming over him blotted out the lunar light, and he tried to open his mouth to ask for help until a fingertip traced the horribly puckered scar on his cheek.  
  
"I warned you about what would happen," that hoarse, hissing voice he remembered in his nightmares said. He desperately tried to scream as a hand grasped the handle of the knife in his shoulder and deliberately pulled it out slowly. That horrible voice chuckled as the knife sliced into his abdomen then and his heart stuttered wildly from the excruciating pain.  
  
The last thing Simon Albrecht heard before he died his painful and messy death was that hoarse voice laughing. "I'll see you in hell..." 


	3. CH 77 AFTERSHOCKS

LOST AND FOUND - PART IX  
  
AFTER SHOCKS  
  
Chapter 77  
  
Hoss paused at the head of the backstairs when the smell of coffee brewing wafted up the stairwell. He sighed and slowly made his way down, feeling both physically and emotionally drained by the deeply disturbing events of the day.  
  
John was standing at the stove when he stepped into the kitchen and the fresh-faced deputy turned to give him a welcoming smile.  
  
"Hey Hoss," he said in hushed tones. "Is everybody all right up there?" he asked and his clear blue eyes brightened when Hoss nodded. He reached up to take down a large ironstone mug and filled it with coffee before setting it down on the table for him.  
  
"Thanks," Hoss said quietly as he sat down and took a swallow of the hot, rich liquid.  
  
John just gave him another smile and went back to poking around in the kitchen, gathering together what he could find to cook. Soon, he had skillets on the stove filled with ham and eggs and was slicing bread. He set jars of preserves and a crock of butter on the table then went back to the stove.  
  
Hoss had been sitting there with his head down, thinking about the story Adam had told. "John," he said low and the young man looked at him over his shoulder.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Tell me about Joan."  
  
The deputy's expression turned solemn and guarded before he turned his head away. He didn't speak for a few moments and the other man just waited, assuming John was gathering his thoughts.  
  
"Well, there's not much to tell. I sort of knew her when we were all working out of Pinkerton's office in Chicago. But now that I think about it, nobody really knew anything about her. She was always quiet and had this ability to blend into the background so no one noticed her. That's a great advantage to have in our line of work."  
  
Hoss nodded his agreement and then realized the deputy wasn't looking at him. "I bet," he said and waited for John to continue.  
  
"She never talked about anything personal, so a lot of people speculated about her family and past life. No one seemed to have the nerve to ask her outright, if you know what I mean." The big man didn't bother responding this time.  
  
"Probably the only person who does know anything about her is Pinkerton, and he's not the sort to pass on information like that. Although he would have had to check into her background before hiring her." He came to put a filled plate down in front of Hoss and went to get silverware for him.  
  
Then he sat down across the table with a mug of coffee in his hands and looked Hoss in the eye. "That's pretty much it, but I think I can trust you not to tell anyone this - I've always felt that there was something not quite right about her." Shaking his head, his eyes met Hoss's honestly.  
  
"I can't tell you why, I've just always felt that way."  
  
Hoss nodded in agreement, his eyes narrowing as he carefully thought that over when they heard a whimper near the back stairs. Fred rushed into the room to grab Hoss's pant leg and tugged on it.  
  
"What's the matter with him?" John asked and the other man shook his head.  
  
"I don't know, but somethin's got him pretty upset."  
  
Fred let go of his pant leg, jumped up into his lap, and stretched up with his paws on Hoss's chest to yap in his face. Then he jumped down and trotted off toward the back stairs.  
  
"Guess we better go see," Hoss said and stood to follow the little dog. John was right behind him.  
  
Fred streaked up the stairs and stopped at the head to look down at them and bark impatiently.  
  
When the men reached the top he took off down the hall and around to the closed nursery door. He scratched at it and whined, his long thin tail whipping in the air.  
  
Hoss opened the door and both men heard thumping and faint whimpering coming from the closet. The tiny dog scratched at that door too while Hoss hurried to light a lamp and John tried to open the door.  
  
"Hmmm.it's locked," he said and gave Hoss a quick glance over his shoulder. "Don't tell anyone I did this," he said and pulled a long thin wallet out of an inner pocket of his suit coat and opened it to reveal a set of lock picks. "These things aren't exactly legal."  
  
Chuckling, Hoss watched with interest as the smaller man took out two and carefully inserted them in the keyhole. In a few seconds the lock clicked. He put the picks away and was turning the knob when Hoss suddenly caught a whiff of a strange but vaguely familiar smell.  
  
He quickly blew the lamp out and reached over John's head to keep him from pulling the door open.  
  
"Don't! Can't you smell that?" he said when John looked up at him, puzzled.  
  
The young deputy took a quick step back. "What is it?"  
  
"Chloroform," Hoss answered shortly and went to the other side of the room to put the lamp back on the bureau. Then he went to open both windows.  
  
"You go on out into the hall," he ordered and John quickly obeyed with Fred trotting out after him. He heard Hoss take a deep breath, and then open the closet door. He came out into the hall a few seconds later and pulled the door shut behind him.  
  
"Gotta wait a little while for those fumes to clear," he said and the smaller man nodded.  
  
"Should we get Adam?" he asked and Hoss shook his head.  
  
"Nope, we can handle this," he answered firmly and both men looked down when Fred let out a sharp yap, as though agreeing. Laughing softly, Hoss bent down to pick him up and the little dog quickly settled himself on the man's wide shoulder.  
  
They waited in silence for a while listening to the sounds coming from the closet increase. When he thought they had waited long enough, Hoss opened the door and took a cautious breath.  
  
"All clear," he said and went to light the lamp again while John stayed out of the way by the door.  
  
The big man moved toward the closet and John heard him let out an angry sigh. He hurried in and saw Balor and Minnie panting heavily and shaking as they tried to get to their feet.  
  
Hoss quickly handed the lamp to him and went down on one knee to put a hand on each dog's head. "Take it easy now," he said soothingly and both dogs pulled themselves closer to him on their bellies. He stroked their heads and Minnie leaned into him while Balor turned his head to the side, trying to lick his hand.  
  
John raised the lamp a little higher when a sparkle by the back wall caught his eye. He stepped a little closer as Hoss continued to speak softly to the dogs. Then he noticed a faint stain on the back wall and realized what must have happened.  
  
"So that's how they did it," he said under his breath and Hoss glanced up at him.  
  
"What?"  
  
The deputy nodded toward the back of closet. "Looks like they got the dogs in here somehow and threw a bottle of chloroform at the back wall. See the stain and the broken glass?"  
  
Hoss squinted at the blot and then nodded his head slowly. "Pretty smart, huh?" he said, his tone filled with disgust. "No doubt they figured it would kill them."  
  
"No doubt," John agreed and stepped back when Balor tried to get to his feet again. Hoss helped and the huge dog made it this time, his legs shaking badly at first. Then he put his head down to nudge Minnie with his nose and she staggered to her feet.  
  
John stepped back and Hoss rose to get out of the way as the two dogs carefully walked out of the closet, through the room, and into the hall.  
  
They stood there for a few seconds, blinking in the brightly lit hallway then hurried as fast as they could toward the back stairs.  
  
Hoss chuckled, glad now that he knew the animals would be all right. "Better get down there and let them out," he said and John laughed too as he blew out the lamp, put it back, and followed.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
In the small hours of the morning Adam jerked awake from a light doze when he heard Thomas whimper in his sleep. The boy had rolled away from Thea in his sleep and she instinctively reached out to pull him back into her arms. She patted his back gently, her eyes only opening part way as she hummed softly to him.  
  
Adam stiffly got to his feet and carefully leaned over the bed to kiss them both and quietly slipped out. He was already on his way down the hall when he suddenly realized he had seen Minnie and Balor lying on either side of the door. Turning around he softly called their names and the two dogs came to him with their heads and tails down.  
  
"What happened to you two?" he said quietly as he went down on one knee and reached to scratch them under the chin. Then he smelled faint traces of that pungent odor. Bending his head down, he took a deeper breath and recognized the smell.  
  
Making a disgusted sound in the back of his throat he continued petting the dogs for a few moments and wondered how they had been knocked out with chloroform. "Don't feel too bad," he said quietly, "this one outsmarted everybody." The dogs seemed to understand what he was saying because their tails came up and began to wag as he got to his feet.  
  
"OK, now back to your posts," he ordered and both dogs trotted off toward the bedroom door.  
  
Shaking his head he made his way downstairs. Hearing voices in the kitchen he turned that way, intending to ask about Joan, but stopped abruptly when he heard Nate's voice saying, "Are you going to wait to show Adam in the morning?"  
  
"I'm thinkin' I shouldn't wait that long," Ted answered.  
  
"Why? Hasn't he been through enough today? Let him rest," Ben said firmly.  
  
"I know, but the mornin' may be too late." the young doctor was arguing as Adam stepped into the room.  
  
"Show me what?" he said and everyone seated at the table turned in his direction. Ted stood before answering.  
  
"Albrecht's body."  
  
"What about it?" Adam's tone was slightly impatient and his brother-in-law came to take his arm.  
  
"Just come and look," Ted said and tugged him back into the hallway. He let go of Adam's arm when they reached the examining room door, opened it, and stepped back to let the other man go in first.  
  
The sheet covering the body was badly bloodstained and Adam frowned at that as he slowly moved toward the table.  
  
"Brace yourself," the doctor cautioned and threw the sheet back.  
  
Adam winced and had to turn his head away when the eviscerated corpse was revealed.  
  
"What the hell happened?" he breathed and forced himself to look again.  
  
"I don't know...I mean I KNOW what happened, but not how or who if you get my meanin'" Ted answered quietly.  
  
"I do get your meaning..." Adam was saying when his brain finally made the connection. He closed his eyes and groaned as his face turned white, "Dear God..."  
  
Alarmed, Ted came to take him by the upper arms, led him to a chair, and pushed him down into it. "Do I need to get the smelling salts out again?" he asked and the other man shook his head.  
  
"No...no, I'll be all right," Adam assured him faintly and opened his eyes. The doctor almost winced at the anguish he saw there.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
Adam stared at him bleakly for a few moments before answering. "Joan is Hunter," he choked out and Ted's eyes widened. "I don't understand," he said.  
  
"Do you remember the story of how Albrecht got that scar on his cheek?"  
  
Nodding, the other man crouched down and reached to take Adam's pulse, his brows furrowed in a worried frown.  
  
"Hunter did that and warned him if anything else happened to me he would be 'gutted like a fresh kill'."  
  
"How could she have done somethin' like that in her condition?"  
  
"I can't believe I forgot to ask! How is she?"  
  
"Alive," the doctor informed him while pulling down his bottom eyelid, trying to take a close look at his eyes. But Adam leaned back and pushed his hand away.  
  
"I'm fine," he said a little impatiently. "Where is she?"  
  
"In the recovery room," Ted said and straightened up when the other man stood.  
  
"Is she awake?"  
  
"Probably, she was a little while ago."  
  
Adam walked around him and started for the connecting door. Ted watched him go, and then stepped up to the table again, grimacing with disgust. He stood there looking down into the dead man's face.  
  
"You deserved worse than this," he said softly, his eyes glinting for a second with green fire, and then he turned away to gather the suture materials he would need to put the body back together enough for burial. 


	4. CH 78 JOAN

LOST AND FOUND - PART IX  
  
JOAN  
  
Chapter 78  
  
When Adam came through the door, Joan slowly opened her eyes and the corners of her mouth lifted slightly as he moved a chair next to the bed and sat down. He took her hand in his and stared at her for a few moments, reluctant to ask what he knew he HAD to ask.  
  
"Joan..." he said softly and had to look away for a second, wondering if he was completely wrong about the whole thing. But he mentally shook his head, knowing in his gut he was right, so he cleared his throat and forced the words out.  
  
"Joan," he repeated, "are you Hunter?"  
  
Then he watched, fascinated, as her face changed, became harder and animated with unholy glee at the same time. She gave him a sly smile.  
  
"So you finally figured it out, genius?" she said mockingly in a deeper, hoarse voice.  
  
All he could do was nod as the hair on the back of his neck stood up.  
  
She glanced down at their joined hands and frowned. "Do you mind? I don't like to be touched." He immediately let go, but still stared. Laughing harshly, she shook her head. "Oh if you could only see the look on your face!"  
  
He blinked and firmly reined in his deepening sense of unease and scattered wits. "Joan..." he began, but she cut him off.  
  
"Don't call me Joan," she hissed furiously. "I'm not that spineless, sniveling twit. You KNOW my name."  
  
"Hunter," he said quietly and her brow cleared.  
  
"That's right, and don't you forget it," she said with a sharp smile, her dark good humor restored. "You put two and two together and figured it out because I'm the only one that could have gutted Albrecht, right?"  
  
He nodded again and when she laughed nastily in response he called out, "Ted, would you come in here please?"  
  
She only laughed harder when Ted came into the room to stand behind him. "Oh look, it's the brain doctor!" she taunted and smiled unpleasantly at Ted while batting her lashes.  
  
"Joan?" he asked, not understanding what was happening. Adam shook his head as she sighed in exasperation.  
  
"Damn it, I am not Joan!" she was so angry her voice went down another octave and rasped deep in her throat.  
  
"This isn't Joan, Ted, this is Hunter," Adam said simply and looked up at his brother-in-law over his shoulder. When the doctor finally understood, his leaf-green eyes narrowed and his stare became intense.  
  
She batted her lashes mockingly at him again and sneered when he took Adam by the arm to pull him from the room and partway down the hallway. But when they stopped he seemed to be at a loss for words.  
  
"Have you ever seen something like this before?"  
  
Ted shook his head. "I remember hearin' about it, but just never believed the stories."  
  
"And now?" Adam prompted him.  
  
"I can't say. After observin' her for a while I could state an opinion, but..."  
  
"Looks like you may get to do that. No one is going to put her in prison, she's insane." He started back, but Ted stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Even if she wasn't insane, she wouldn't be goin' to prison anyway," he said firmly and Adam stared at him for a few seconds before he understood.  
  
"She's dying?" he asked and the other man nodded.  
  
"Probably won't make it until sunrise"  
  
"But she seems fine..." Adam was clearly baffled.  
  
"Now she does...as Hunter, but not as Joan. I think Joan is givin' up and she's willin' herself to die."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
Ted nodded. "I've seen that look many times and it always means the same thing - she's just not interested in livin' anymore."  
  
Shaking his head, Adam sighed. "This is just too strange to be believed. But I could swear that the woman I was just talking to is NOT Joan. She doesn't...feel like Joan."  
  
"I agree and let me tell you I've seen some VERY strange symptoms, but this beats all."  
  
They both started back to the recovery room and before they entered Adam turned to softly say, "Not too long ago people would have thought she was possessed by a demon."  
  
"Some still would," was Ted's softly spoken answer as they entered the room.  
  
"Well now, aren't you two brave?" she grinned at their solemn expressions then focused on Adam as he sat down on the chair next to the bed again.  
  
She grinned and looked at him expectantly, her eyebrows raised, her eyes burning with something he just could not read.  
  
"Why?" he asked quietly and she tipped her head to the side coyly.  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why have you been protecting me all these years?"  
  
Giving him a sardonic look she spat out her answer, "I haven't been. I haven't been protecting YOU, I've been protecting Thea's husband."  
  
His eyes narrowed, "I see."  
  
"No you don't. I love Thea, I would do anything for her and I've been watching your back ever since the day she was stupid enough to marry you."  
  
"I'm getting the idea that you hate me," he said purposefully and almost smiled when she laughed.  
  
"Not just you, I hate all men." She shifted her gaze to Ted. "Don't feel left out Doc, I hate you too."  
  
Ted's expression didn't change he just continued to watch her intently as she turned back to Adam.  
  
"Why shouldn't I hate all men," she went on. "All you ever do is use, hurt, and kill women." His brow furrowed and he was about to answer when she cut him off.  
  
"Don't believe me? Here, I'll prove it to you. Take Joe for an example. Do you know that idiot Joan actually thought he CARED for her?"  
  
"He did," Adam automatically answered, then cautioned himself to stay quiet and let her talk, taking his cue from Ted.  
  
"Oh come now, a pretty boy like him? I don't believe it. He was just going to use her like all the rest did. Why go looking for it when it's right under your nose, just begging to be taken." She chuckled. "After all, any old port in a storm, right?"  
  
She shifted on the bed, and then winced in pain before continuing. "I guess I never should have tried to go to Joe's room to kill him the night before we left. I was just trying to protect her, and you know what that whining brat had the nerve to do? She THREATENED ME!" Her eyes opened wide with fury as Adam felt a cold lump form in his stomach. The madness that now shone from her eyes was making his skin crawl.  
  
"I couldn't believe it, after everything I've done for her! She told me if I laid one finger on Joe, she'd kill us." The fury faded from her expression and she smiled slyly again. "You're the one that locked his door that night, aren't you?" Adam nodded.  
  
"I thought so. Besides Thea, you're the only other one around here that has any brains to speak of." She sighed. "I'm sure that isn't enough proof for you, so now we move on to another member of your family...your father."  
  
Adam stiffened and she raised one eyebrow. "Ah, you don't like that, do you? Too bad, he's the perfect example of men treating women as though we're just things and easily replaced. You marry one of us and manage to kill her off through childbirth or carelessness. But what does that matter, there's always another one waiting in the wings, right? Another stupid female willing to sacrifice herself for 'looove'." She paused to smile a satisfied smile when she saw his face tighten in anger.  
  
"The truth hurts, doesn't it?" she taunted him. "You men are all alike and I'd take every single one of you in this house with me if I thought that wouldn't break Thea's heart."  
  
"You keep saying you owe my wife, but you've never said anything about why." He expected her to react when he referred to Thea as "my wife," and she did.  
  
"Don't say that! She's Theadora, not something you own like your horse or your dog!" She glared at him for a few seconds until something clicked behind her eyes and she reluctantly nodded. "Very nicely done," she said sarcastically.  
  
"Thank you," he allowed himself to answer and her gaze became even more hostile.  
  
"You are so smug, you make me sick," she spat and then smiled slyly at him again. "Are you aware that you're not the first patient Thea ever brought home from the hospital?"  
  
Adam was surprised, but didn't let it show as he shook his head.  
  
"Well you aren't...I am." She paused to see if he would react, but he didn't.  
  
"Of course that twit's name wasn't Joan back then and we were only fifteen. And as I'm sure you've already guessed, we've changed a lot, that's why Thea didn't recognize us." She gave him a knowing grin, as though aware he had just been thinking about that question.  
  
Then she sighed and her expression became oddly blank as her eyes opened wide. She turned her head away from him to stare at the ceiling. "Thea was the only one who never treated us like dirt. She saved us and stood up for us," she said flatly and Adam had to suppress a shudder.  
  
"We made the mistake of trusting a man and when we went to our father for help he beat us and threw us out of the house. Thea was driving by in her buggy and saw him throw us down the steps. He was a big man, bigger than Hoss, but she didn't care. She came running to help us and he shouted at her to leave us alone, that we were in the gutter where garbage belongs. When she ignored him he started for her, but she pulled a knife on him. I'd never seen fear in our father's eyes before, but he was afraid then." She turned her blank stare to Adam again. "He ran away."  
  
She blinked and the blank stare was gone...Hunter was looking out of those pale eyes again. "He ran away," she repeated and started laughing weakly. "Little Thea threatened that big, tough MAN with a knife and he ran away. I've loved her ever since, I'd do anything for her."  
  
Turning her cold gaze to Ted she asked, "You already told him we're dying, right Doc?" and when he nodded she turned back to Adam. "That means I'm not going to be around to protect her anymore so I'm warning you. If you let anything happen to her, if you break her heart or hurt her I swear I will come back from the dead to make you pay. And don't think that God or all the angels in heaven will protect you. No one's ever been able to stop me. So you watch yourself, because I'll be watching YOU."  
  
He could see she was losing strength rapidly, the whites of her eyes turning yellow and her complexion turning more ashen.  
  
"I told Albrecht I'd be seeing him in hell right before he died and it looks like I'll be right on his heels," she chuckled weakly. "And if it's true that the devil is a male," her eyes opened wide one last time as she stared intently into Adam's, "he should be very...very...worried right now."  
  
Forcing himself to not look away, he watched the fierce light start to fade and could have sworn for one second Joan was looking at him before her lids fluttered closed. Adam didn't move as Ted stepped up to the bed, and when the other man pulled the sheet up to cover her face, he sighed and bent his head to stare at the floor.  
  
Ted came to take him by the arm and pulled him to his feet. "There's nothin' more you can do here." He said firmly and started to tug him toward the door. "There's no sense in stayin' here to brood over somethin' you couldn't prevent." They were in the hall now.  
  
"You've got a room full of people up there who really do need you. Go be with your family," he ordered and gave the other man a push toward the stairs. "Go on, I'll take care of Joan," he finished.  
  
Adam stood there for a few seconds, but then nodded as he wearily started up the stairs. He only looked back once to see Ted go into the recovery room and firmly shut the door. 


	5. CH 79 IN THE WAKE OF EVIL

LOST & FOUND - PART IX  
  
IN THE WAKE OF EVIL  
  
Chapter 79  
  
The sun barely made an appearance at all the next morning and the sky had gradually become almost as dark as night when the train finally pulled into the station in Virginia City. Joe heaved a tired sigh, thankful to be back home after spending a restless night in Unionville.  
  
He was the only passenger to step down from the car and was surprised to see Stu's long, lithe form leaning back against the depot wall. Shifting his hold on his bag, he hurried across the platform to shake hands with the former hired gun. He was about to ask why Stu had been waiting for him, but the other man spoke first.  
  
"Adam asked me to wait here in case you took the early train. He needs to see you before you ride out to the ranch."  
  
Joe's hazel eyes peered into the Stu's light brown and his blood ran cold. "What happened?" he asked anxiously and both men looked up when a boom of thunder sounded and the skies opened up.  
  
"A hell of a lot, but I think Adam wants to tell you everything himself," he reached to take Joe's bag and nodded his head toward the cream-colored house. "You go on ahead...he's waiting for you in his office."  
  
"Thanks," Joe said hurriedly and took off, leaping down the platform steps, and then running through the heavy rain toward his brother's house.  
  
Stu watched him for a while then slowly followed, his heart both thankful and heavy - thankful that Adam and his family were safe, and heavy for the blow Joe was about to be given.  
  
Joe was moving fast and almost didn't notice the barn was gone when he passed the gravel drive. Badly shocked, he skidded to a stop and stared at the blackened ruin while his heart rose in his throat. He raced the rest of the way, jumped over the gate, leapt up the front steps, and didn't bother knocking before barging in.  
  
Adam was sitting at his desk, his dark head bent over the usual never- ending paperwork, and he quickly looked up when the door banged open. He stood, his expression guarded as his youngest brother rushed in.  
  
Joe was soaked and slipped slightly on the wooden floor when he came to a halt in front of the desk. "What happened?" he demanded breathlessly and the older man slowly came around to take him by the arm and lead him toward the fireplace.  
  
He motioned for Joe to sit on the raised stone hearth, and then turned away to fetch the afghan that was spread out across the back of the sofa. "Take your jacket off," he said in a no-nonsense tone as he came back and draped the afghan around his brother's shoulders.  
  
Adam sighed deeply as he sat down to face the younger man. "Joe," he said quietly, "I'm sorry, but Joan is dead."  
  
Joe gasped, badly shocked and stared, his expression saying he couldn't believe what he had just heard. He shook his head.  
  
"Dead?" he echoed and Adam moved closer to take one of his hands, but remained silent, waiting for Joe to speak next.  
  
"How?" he finally managed to ask.  
  
"Albrecht set the barn on fire as a diversion then got into the house..." Adam went on to tell him how Joan showed up to save Thomas, paying for the boy's life with her own.  
  
"So Albrecht is dead too," Joe said, not really asking a question, just stating a fact.  
  
"Yes he is," Adam answered and looked away for a moment, but not before his youngest brother saw the black rage boil up in his eyes.  
  
"Good."  
  
The two men sat there for a while, one deep in shock, and the other deep in thought.  
  
"Did she suffer?" Joe finally broke the silence.  
  
"Not very much, Ted did his best for her, but she was too badly injured."  
  
Nodding, Joe stared down at the hand Adam was still holding. "I just don't understand what happened..." his voice trailed off then he looked up to meet the older man's steady, sympathetic gaze.  
  
"I really did love her, Adam. She was so different...not like any other woman I'd ever met. And I could have sworn she felt the same way." He shook his head again before shifting his gaze to the fire.  
  
"Joe, look at me," Adam said low and almost flinched at the pain he could plainly see in his brother's eyes. "There are a lot of questions about her that I can't answer, but there is one thing I know for sure and without reservation. Joan loved you...in her own odd way, but she DID love you."  
  
Joe stared into Adam's eyes intently and could easily see that the other man was telling the truth. He slowly closed his eyes, put his head down, and allowed his heart to fill with the fresh pain of this new loss.  
  
Adam slowly moved closer, carefully took his brother in his arms, and mourned with him for the mysterious, tragic woman who had saved his son, captured Joe's heart, and almost taken his life.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----  
  
While Adam comforted his brother downstairs, Thea was in her room sound asleep and dreaming...reliving Albrecht's attack.  
  
Her entire body stiffened as she watched herself hurry up the stairs and she drew in a deep breath, smelling the faint odor of chloroform again when she neared the nursery door.  
  
She pushed it open and hurried in, already thinking about what she needed to gather together to get the babies out of the house in case the fire spread. An arm wrapping around her waist made her gasp in shock and before she could scream, a hard hand clamped over her mouth. Instinctively, she began to struggle and shuddered with revulsion when wet lips touched her ear.  
  
"Stop it and be quiet, or I swear I'll kill them," a smooth voice said low in her ear and she instantly went still. His hold on her relaxed slightly after a few moments and his hand slowly slid away from her mouth as his warm breath curled in her ear. She suppressed a shudder of revulsion when one of his hands slid up and the other down to cup her breasts. He squeezed them hard and she flinched from the pain, but made no sound, knowing who he was.  
  
"It's too bad I don't have enough time to have a little fun with you," he whispered and she couldn't help but gasp when he suddenly turned her around. His mouth took hers in a deep kiss and he slid one hand into her hair, pulling on it painfully to tip her head back. Her arms were pinned in between them, his other arm crushing her to him until she bit down on his tongue.  
  
Albrecht pulled back with a grunt of pain and backhanded her across the face, throwing her up against the wall. The back of her head slammed into it and she saw stars as she slid to the floor. She dimly saw his foot coming at her and she instinctively curled up, wrapping her arms around her knees to protect the child she carried.  
  
The kick landed on her shins and her whole body jerked with the impact. She looked up to see him standing there panting with rage, a small trickle of blood spilling from the corner of his mouth and she felt a small thrill of satisfaction at hurting him. He saw the corners of her mouth lift slightly when he wiped the blood off with one hand and he suppressed a shout of fury.  
  
She saw him pull his foot back to kick her again so she quickly rolled over to take the crushing blow in the small of her back. Biting her lip, she held back a scream, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. The pain traveled across her nerves and her vision went gray. The sound of her babies crying out pitifully echoed through her head as she desperately tried to stay conscious, but another kick pushed her over the edge and she sank down into blackness.  
  
Thea's arms were flailing as she fought against the restrictive bedclothes when she abruptly woke up. She frowned at the oddly numb feeling in her legs and then realized where she was and that she had been dreaming.  
  
She sat up when she heard footsteps approaching and called out, "Come in!" when a light knock sounded on the bedroom door. It opened slowly and Joe took a tentative step into the room. She took one look at his drawn face and held her arms out to him as he hurried around the bed. He sat on the edge and wrapped her in a tight hug, burying his face in the curve where her neck met her shoulder.  
  
"I'm so sorry Joe," she murmured and gently stroked his hair with one hand while the other rubbed his back. She could feel hot tears on her skin as he cried without a sound and her own throat tightened, but she continued to speak soft words of love and comfort in his ear.  
  
When he finally pulled back his eyes narrowed as he took a good look at her face, concerned by how white she was.  
  
"Tell me the truth, are you gong to be all right?" he asked softly and she nodded, dredging up a small smile for him.  
  
"The feeling is already coming back in my legs and my head hardly hurts at all," she said, looking him steadily in the eye. He sighed with relief and hugged her again. He was about to ask about Thomas when the door opened and Adam appeared with the twins and all three babies.  
  
Alexander held Benjamin, Annalise carried Matthew, and Adam had Thomas carefully wrapped in his arms. The twins hurried around to the other side of the bed and deposited the babies before climbing up themselves. Adam surprised Joe by following them and climbed up on the bed, to sit cross- legged next to his wife with Thomas in his lap.  
  
The twins were hugging Joe as tightly as they could while the babies crammed themselves into their mother's lap. Joe fought back a few more tears and tried to smile when he saw Annalise's lower lip tremble slightly. He pulled her into his lap and wrapped one arm around Alexander.  
  
"Don't cry honey, everything's fine," he reassured her and then smiled with everyone else when Benjamin reached out to touch the bandage on Thomas's little head and said, "Owie Unca Joe," in a solemn tone.  
  
Thomas squirmed in his father's lap, so he let the child go. He crawled over to his uncle and pulled himself to his feet, his small hands clutching at Joe's still slightly damp shirt. Joe turned his head to look into Thomas's dark green eyes and the baby grinned at him.  
  
"Unca Joe," he said clearly, bobbed up and down a few times, and then lost his grip to fall onto Alexander's back, knocking him over on his face. He straddled his older brother's back and giggled when Alex's legs began to kick.  
  
"Hey! Get off me!" the older boy laughed and Thomas leaned down to give him a wet, buzzing kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Ew!" Alex protested and everyone laughed as Adam reached to pick Thomas up, carefully prying the baby's little fingers out of Alexander's unruly hair.  
  
"I think it's feeding time at the wee people zoo," he chuckled while scooping Benjamin up with his other arm as he slid off the bed.  
  
The twins scrambled after him and Joe leaned forward to hug Thea again and deliver the same kind of buzzing kiss on HER cheek.  
  
"Ew!" she echoed and giggled helplessly when Joe drew back with Matthew dangling down his front. The baby had wrapped his arms around his uncle's neck when he had leaned forward to hug her.  
  
Matthew chortled with glee when Joe flipped him over his shoulder and let him dangle that way, holding him by one foot. He followed the rest of them and was about to leave the room when Thea said his name.  
  
"Joe! Please leave the door open and don't worry. I'll be back on my feet in no time," she said and gave him her usual wide smile. He shook his head.  
  
"Nothing ever gets you down for long, does it?" he asked, giving her an assessing look then had to smile back when she chuckled.  
  
"No...at least not for very long," she said firmly and made a shooing motion with her hands. "Now get downstairs and help Adam with that wild bunch. He can use all the help he can get!"  
  
Laughing, Joe shook his head again and slowly moved out into the hall with Matthew still dangling down his back.  
  
Thea sighed and her smile slowly slipped away at the sudden quiet. She was about to lie back down when the sound of footsteps hurrying up the back stairs reached her ears. Her brows rose when Adam hurried into the room.  
  
"Ted says you can some downstairs for a while," he informed her, picked up her robe and came to help her into it. He helped her to her feet then swept her up into his arms to carry her from the room.  
  
"Wait! You forgot my slippers!" she laughed and he plopped her down on the bed, grabbed the slippers, and picked her up again in almost one motion.  
  
"You can put them on when we get down there," he chuckled and she laughed as he hurried out, knowing why he was in such a rush. And when he carefully set her down in her usual chair at the table she mentally nodded at his wisdom. The children, and in fact everyone else, needed to see the whole family together as usual. Her presence was necessary for the healing process in the wake of evil to begin. 


	6. CH 80 MAKING A MOVE

LOST AND FOUND - PART IX  
  
MAKING A MOVE  
  
Chapter 80  
  
A cool breeze was blowing on a sunny early September afternoon causing Alex to shiver slightly as he swung on the front porch swing. He briefly considered going back inside for his jacket, but he didn't dare, knowing his mother's sharp ears would pick up any sound he made, no matter how quiet.  
  
Then, no doubt, he would be receiving a lecture from his father for not listening since he had been told to wear something warm. But as usual, he had hurried out before all of his mother's words had sunk in. And he would rather endure even a spanking by his father than see that shadow of disappointment in her eyes.  
  
He smiled thinking about her and how she had taken to saying he was growing like a weed. For some reason that mental picture always made him want to laugh. A growing spurt had added almost two inches to his height in the last few months while Annalise had only grown a half-inch in the same time period. Looking down at his twin was a new experience for him and one he was not exactly sure he liked.  
  
Sighing with boredom, he slouched down on the swing and stretched one foot down to push off, keeping the swing in motion. He had been sent out to watch for Will and Laura who would be arriving by wagon sometime that afternoon. The couple was moving to town and his mother had been rushing around the house as fast as she could move now, preparing a small welcoming party. He grinned at remembering his father threatening to tie her into a chair if she didn't slow down.  
  
Then his grin faded when he thought about how strange things had been a month ago when she had been confined to bed for what seemed like forever. His lips tightened and his eyes narrowed, seeing in his mind's eye the terrible sight of the barn exploding in flames and his two uncles carefully carrying his mother's limp body downstairs to her treatment room. But most of all he remembered the horrible sound of his father's anguished scream. Sometimes he could still hear that sound in his dreams and he would come abruptly awake, sweating and panting with fear.  
  
Feeling an unpleasant thrill gather in his stomach and shoot down his legs, he pushed those thoughts away and sat up to lean forward and look both ways, up and down the street. Not seeing anyone who even vaguely resembled his cousins he settled back and remembered the weekend before. He and Annalise had spent the entire weekend at the ranch, something they both loved to do, and to their further delight Ben had been with them constantly. The highlight of the weekend had been a fishing trip on Sunday, and Alex had managed to fall in only once.  
  
He smiled, again hearing Annalise squeal with excitement at her first catch and his grandfather's deep laughter when they had scrambled around on the grassy bank after the flopping fish. That one had gotten away, but by the time the afternoon was over, the three of them had caught enough for Hop Sing to cook for supper that night.  
  
Slouching down further, he pushed off again and sighed, thinking about school starting soon, and occasionally remembering to sit up and look for his cousins.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Adam sighed as he signed his name to the bottom of the last report pertaining to the Simon Albrecht arson assignment. Now the case would be considered officially closed and he hoped he would never have to hear the man's name again. He gathered all the papers together, slid them into a large brown envelope, and slipped the envelope into his document case.  
  
Leaning back in his chair, he had just started thinking about Wes having been appointed the Albrecht children's legal guardian when knocks sounded on the outside and hall entrance doors. Smiling, he called out "Come in," and waited to see who would.  
  
Nate quickly came in the outside entrance and strode toward Adam's desk, while Ted stepped through the hallway door and stopped, giving Adam an enquiring look.  
  
"Am I interruptin' somethin'?" his brother-in-law asked as Nate threw himself into one of the deep chairs facing the desk.  
  
"No, come on over and have a seat Ted," Adam answered quietly and the young doctor did.  
  
After briefly studying each blond man's expression, Adam smiled, glad that these two in particular had shown up and quite sure he knew why.  
  
"All right gentlemen...let's talk about Joe."  
  
Nate's blue eyes only showed a brief touch of surprise, while Ted's leaf- green shone with appreciation for Adam's astute assessment of the purpose behind their visit.  
  
"Yes, let's talk about Joe," the young doctor said. "Have you decided how much to tell him yet?"  
  
"No," Adam sighed with frustration. "You see, I think he has a right to know that Joan had another...uh..." he paused, unsure of what term to use.  
  
"Personality?" Ted offered and Adam nodded.  
  
"Yes, personality. But I'm just not sure if he needs to know that other 'person' was planning to kill him."  
  
"Why do you feel the need to keep that from him?" Nate asked and when Adam frowned he hastily went on. "I'm just asking so I can understand your train of thought."  
  
"I can't help but think that knowledge is going to wound him deeply. And not only that, I can also see how it might shake his confidence."  
  
"That is very true," Ted mused. "However, I've been thinkin' it's time for everyone to stop treatin' him like he's still 'Little' Joe."  
  
Adam reluctantly nodded. "You're right, we all seem to have a tendency to protect him from things. I guess it's a habit hard to break."  
  
"Of course it is! " the young doctor laughed. "Adam, you've been the caretaker in this family almost from the beginnin'. Always standin' in between the ones you love and anythin' that would hurt them." He beamed his bright charming smile at the brooding man behind the desk. "But he needs to start takin' his rightful place beside you and Hoss...not standin' behind you anymore."  
  
Nate shifted in his chair. "I have to agree with that Adam," he said tentatively, not sure if he was stepping out of line. "Besides, you never know - Joe just might surprise you."  
  
Leaning back in his chair again, Adam carefully considered their words for a few moments and neither man dared to interrupt.  
  
"Well," he finally said after taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, "even though the home office might not agree since this information is classified, I think you two are right." He leaned forward to lean on the desk. "I don't like it, but I'm sure you're right."  
  
The two men facing him nodded and Nate's eyes darkened. He hadn't considered that telling Joe might get Adam called on the carpet some day.  
  
"I'm glad you brought that up," Ted said, dragging Nate's attention back from his musings. "I had a feelin' that might be the case, so I was wonderin' if it might be best for all concerned if I told him."  
  
Adam's brows rose and Nate tensed, not sure if his best friend was angered by that idea or not. Then his tension increased when the man responded in a low, tightly controlled voice.  
  
"Why would that be best for all concerned?"  
  
Ted sighed this time. "I'm sorry if it looks like I'm tryin' to interfere, but you have to admit that news like that comin' from me might be easier to take than comin' from you." He paused as though trying to think of the right words. Nate cleared his throat and plunged in to help.  
  
"Joe looks up to you Adam, and this is going to be embarrassing enough for him. And no offense meant, but it will also sound more believable coming from Ted. I mean with him being a doctor and this kinda being his area."  
  
Adam was nodding now and relaxing, reluctantly recognizing the truth of the situation.  
  
"Again, you're right, and again, I don't like it. But to not take your advice would be stupid and I do try to avoid that whenever I can."  
  
At his last sardonic comment, the other two men relaxed, knowing Adam wouldn't be joking if he were still angry.  
  
Ted was about to suggest he wait a few days before talking to Joe when they all heard the front door bang open and Alexander's voice shouting, "They're here!" as he ran down the front hallway.  
  
The three men in the office laughed, stood, and began making their way toward the door to the office hall.  
  
"Well, I'm going to consider this subject closed, and Ted, please let me know after you've had a chance to talk to Joe."  
  
"I'll let you know right away," Ted answered quietly as he opened the door and stood back to let the other two men go through.  
  
"Ah...Adam, before I forget..." he said softly as Nate moved away, "thank you for lettin' me help."  
  
Adam stopped to give his brother-in-law an assessing look, while Ted merely grinned his quirky grin, his green eyes meeting the other man's candidly. Then Adam smiled his half-smile as he shook his head.  
  
"Oh you are good...very good," he said with a soft chuckle before walking through the door and striding down the hallway.  
  
Ted pulled the door closed as he stepped through, and then stood there for a few moments, thinking deeply about how to break this unpleasant news to Joe. Then he shrugged his shoulders and grinned again before speaking to himself under his breath.  
  
"So I'm good am I?" His grin widened, "Well so are you..." he was laughing softly as he slowly made his way to the kitchen and to the gathering celebrating the arrival of two new family members. And Ted was not entirely sure the addition of these two people was actually something to be pleased about.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Will pulled the horses up, stopping the wagon behind the cream colored house and stared at the newly built structure. He shook his head slightly, quite sure that the last time he had been here the barn had NOT been round. Then he turned his head toward the house as people began spilling out the back door.  
  
The wagon was quickly surrounded and he had to search his memory to try and fit names with faces as he climbed down. People quickly greeted him, the men shaking his hand and the women giving him a quick hug before moving on.  
  
By the time he turned around, the horses had already been un-hitched and were being taken to the barn and the wagon had almost been emptied. When he turned back toward the house, Thea was already leading Laura up the back steps and Adam paused on his way out to hold the door open for them.  
  
Will stayed where he was and watched his cousin bound down the steps and hurry toward him with his right hand out. The two men shook hands and Will was suddenly aware of an odd mix of emotions. He was feeling both grateful and resentful, happy and unhappy for the other man's interference the last time he had been here and the continuing help and support in the ensuing months.  
  
Mentally shaking his head at himself, he realized Adam was intently staring, and he was suddenly sure the other man was aware of everything he was thinking. He cleared his throat.  
  
"You have a new barn..." he said and frowned slightly at how stupid that statement sounded. Adam nodded while smiling.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"The other one burned down," Adam said succinctly and changed the subject. "Does she suspect anything?"  
  
Will relaxed, taking in Adam's friendly smile and the spark of humor dancing in his dark eyes. He relaxed even more when he realized his cousin had been truly enjoying himself arranging the surprise for Laura.  
  
"Nope, not a bit. We were so busy getting everything ready for this move that we barely had the time to think of anything else."  
  
"Good! " Adam enthused as he clapped Will on the back with one hard hand and began prodding him toward the house. "Everyone else knows, except the twins, so all we have to do is be sure she's distracted for a while to finish up."  
  
"Well, Laura DID say she wanted to talk to Thea alone as soon as she could. Why, I don't know, but that might work."  
  
The two men were climbing the steps to the back door. "I'm sure it will - I'll let Thea know." Adam opened the door and waved his cousin through to enter first.  
  
Will stepped into the fragrant, brightly lit kitchen and smiled to see people hurrying up the closest set of stairs, carrying the contents of the wagon, while others were hurrying down the farther set, empty handed. The crowd seemed to quickly grow right before his eyes, and he almost jumped when Adam took him by the arm to lead him through the throng and introduce him to the one family member he hadn't met before.  
  
"Will, I'd like you to meet Theadora's brother Ted Westwood."  
  
The tall man with curly blond hair shifted Annalise to his left arm and hip before reaching out to shake Will's hand.  
  
"Pleased to meet you Will! I've heard quite a bit about you from these folks, but don't be worryin', I didn't believe a single word of it." Ted's green eyes sparkled with good humor as he gave the other man his most disarming smile. Then he realized Will's eyes were staring just above his right shoulder.  
  
"What the hell is that..." Will blurted out before realizing how rude that sounded.  
  
"Oh that's just Fred. He's a dog."  
  
"Really?" Will's response was automatic as well as dubious. Adam and Ted laughed.  
  
"The jury is still out on that one," Adam said as Fred draped himself over Ted's shoulder and let his long, pink tongue loll out. His bright black eyes blinked at Will and Annalise started giggling as she reached across to scratch him under the chin.  
  
"Isn't he cute, Uncle Will?" the little girl enthused and Will found his chest suddenly becoming tight at her calling him "uncle."  
  
"Yes he is honey, in an...uh...odd sort of way." She giggled again and gave Will a slanting look that told him she was teasing. He couldn't help but laugh at her cleverness and reached out to cautiously touch the little dog as Nate came up from behind them to speak low in Adam's ear.  
  
"Thanks Nate," Adam was saying as his cousin turned toward him. "Will, would you mind coming to my office for a minute? I have someone else I want you to meet."  
  
"Sure," Will answered and only paused long enough to smooth down Annalise's glossy hair and return her smile before following Adam out of the room.  
  
Nate watched them go, his expression rather solemn until the little girl giggled and he looked to see Fred carefully climb on top of her head and perch there, grinning. He started to laugh when Ted carefully put her down and he hurried to clear the way as she slowly started to walk across the kitchen to show her mother.  
  
Everyone willingly stepped out of the way and started laughing too, although quietly, not wanting to startle the little dog. Thea, Barbara, and Laura were at the far end of the kitchen and turned quickly to see what the commotion was all about.  
  
"Dear Lord!" Thea said under her breath and held her mirth back so she could hear her daughter.  
  
"Ma look!" Annalise called, just tickled pink with this "new" trick. "Look at what Fred can do!"  
  
"I just have to say that has to be the ugliest hat I've ever seen," Barbara said low in Thea's ear and she almost choked on the startled laugh that rose in her throat at her friend's joke.  
  
Thea turned to look at the taller woman over her shoulder. "Now stop that!" she said low and quickly turned back, knowing Barbara's droll expression would break her tentative hold on her control.  
  
"Yes, I see!" she answered her daughter, and nearly lost it when Fred's grin widened and his long, thin tail came up and began to wag violently.  
  
Everyone else in the room gave in at that and the explosion of laughter made Fred get to his feet and begin to howl. His sharply pointed snout rose to point at the ceiling and Thea finally broke down at that.  
  
"God help me," she gasped leaning weakly against Barbara on one side while Laura leaned against her on the other. She had to take a deep breath several times before she finally got herself under control and reached out to pluck Fred off her daughter's head.  
  
"Ted, get over here and take this four-legged clown back!" she called across the room and the tall blonde man slowly straightened up to wipe tears of laughter from his eyes before almost staggering in their direction.  
  
"Aw, I didn't get a chance to show Pa!" Annalise complained, and Thea crouched down in front of her.  
  
"Now you know I love Fred too, but I'm quite sure it's not a good idea to have him sitting on your head. He could have fleas."  
  
"No he doesn't! Uncle Ted gives him a bath almost every day," Annalise was quick to assure her mother and both of them looked up at Ted when he was standing over them.  
  
"That's true darlin', Fred's the cleanest dog you'll ever have the pleasure of meetin'." Thea laughed as she shook her head.  
  
"All right, I give!" she said to her brother, then turned back to Annalise. "You can show your father later, but I don't want to see you walking around with him on your head very often, ok?"  
  
"OK Ma!" Annalise quickly agreed, delighted she would get a chance to make her father laugh.  
  
Ted took the dog from Thea as she stood and Fred scampered up his arm to take his usual place, his eyes seeming to cross even more as he stared at her. She reached out to scratch him behind one ear and he wiggled with delight.  
  
"You clever little thing," she said and could have sworn the dog's bright black eyes met her's squarely for a split second before going crossed again as he grinned at her praise.  
  
Ted noticed Nate hovering and reached down to put one large hand on top of Annalise's head. "Let's go find Alexander," he said and scooped the child up before hurrying away.  
  
Nate quickly whispered in Thea's ear and she nodded, giving him a wide smile in thanks. She turned to the two blonde women as the deputy walked away and waited patiently to break into the conversation.  
  
"Please excuse me for a moment, I need to check on something in my office," she said quickly and was about to turn away when Laura spoke.  
  
"May I come with you? I don't think I saw your office the last time I was here," Laura asked and Thea nodded as she turned and started toward the hall. Barbara's eyes narrowed and she frowned, unhappy to see her friend walking so carefully and slowly, having worn herself out by all the activity earlier in the day.  
  
She heaved a deep sigh, knowing that Thea was in pain and that the numbness in her legs was creeping back too. So she decided right then that she would spread the word and enlist everyone in another conspiracy, a conspiracy to keep Thea off her feet as much as possible for the rest of the day.  
  
Suddenly realizing that everyone had fallen silent, she looked up and across the room to see Nate standing in the doorway to the hall. She chuckled softly when he suddenly turned to say, "She's in Thea's office boys, let's get moving!"  
  
Every man quickly and quietly moved toward the stairs and Barbara began to set the food out on the table, listening to footsteps and muffled laughter from overhead. In a few minutes the men came back down, carrying the couple's things. They filed out the back door, down the steps and across the yard, disappearing through a gap in the thick hedges.  
  
Barbara continued with her tasks, hurrying to get everything finished before Thea returned, and shook her head in amusement at the child-like anticipation of everyone involved in the surprise for Laura that Adam and Will had been planning for months. 


	7. CH 81 TRUCE AND CONSEQUENCES

LOST & FOUND – PART IX  
  
TRUCE & CONSEQUENCES  
  
Chapter 81  
  
Thea opened her office door and waited for Laura to enter first. Then she went to her desk and wearily sank down in her comfortable desk chair and sighed. Pulling her appointment book out of a drawer, she set it down on the blotter and opened it to the next day while keeping an eye on her guest at the same time. Laura was slowly walking around the room with her hands clasped behind her back, stopping to look at the many curious objects and books that were crowded onto the bookshelves that lined the walls.  
  
Thea made a few notes next to each appointment then set her pen down as she openly began to watch the other woman. She waited for a little while and when Laura stopped to stare out the diamond-shaped panes of glass that looked out on the street, she cleared her throat. The other woman stiffened slightly and continued looking out the window.  
  
"What's wrong?" Thea asked quietly and her guest ducked her head before turning around.  
  
"I don't really have the right to ask you this, but I think you're the only one who can help me."  
  
Thea's hazel eyes narrowed as she tipped her head slightly to the side and stared intently at the other woman for a few seconds.  
  
"Why don't you come over here, have a seat, and tell me..."  
  
Sighing deeply, Laura did as she asked and slowly raised her eyes to meet the other woman's sharp gaze. Two bright spots of color stained her cheekbones and her hands curled into fists in her lap. She opened her mouth, started to speak, and then closed it again as though not knowing what to say.  
  
"Laura," she said patiently. "Don't stop to think, just say it."  
  
"I want to have another child..."  
  
"Ah...I see," Thea said softly and leaned back in her chair, still watching Laura intently. Then she smiled as she leaned forward to prop her elbows on the desk. She cupped her face in both hands.  
  
"Yes, I think I can help you, but I can't give you any guarantees. Conception can be very difficult even for the young, yet alone women our age. However, I've always been interested in the medical aspects of fertility and I've managed to help women with this problem before."  
  
"You have?" Laura clenched her fists even harder until she realized her nails were actually piercing the skin of her palms and she forced her hands to relax.  
  
"Yes I have..." Thea paused as though trying to organize her thoughts. "Now, some of what I know I have learned about in other countries and most doctors in our part of the world would laugh at my methods. But they work, and I have what I think is positive proof of that."  
  
"You do?"  
  
Thea nodded her head and let her hands fall to the desktop. "All you have to do is look around this house and you can see it."  
  
The other woman stared at her, not understanding until the light dawned and she smiled widely.  
  
"You mean THAT'S why you have a set of twins and a set of triplets?"  
  
Smiling widely back, Thea shrugged and chuckled.  
  
"I believe so," she answered then her expression became serious. "You see, I lost our first child not long after we were married, so I was determined to do everything I could to keep that from happening again."  
  
"I'm sorry..." the other woman's voice sounded as though she personally knew that pain and Thea nodded to herself mentally, hearing verification of what she suspected.  
  
"How many have you lost?" she asked gently.  
  
Laura was looking down at her hands in her lap again. "Three."  
  
Thea stared at her silently for a few moments before speaking again. "That's a terrible burden to carry and you have my word I will do everything I can for you." She leaned back in her chair again as she continued.  
  
"Now before I can do anything you have to agree that you will hold nothing back. I will be asking you questions that will be quite embarrassing and telling you to do things that might seem strange, but you have to cooperate with me. Do you think you can do that?"  
  
Laura was returning Thea's intense gaze and seemed to be thinking deeply.  
  
"Yes," she finally said and both women relaxed. "When do you think we can start?" Thea smiled.  
  
"Well, there's no time like the present," she said and turned around to take a blank composition book from the bookshelf behind her. She turned back to put it on the desk, opened it to the first page, picked up her pen and gave her patient another smile.  
  
"All right, let's get started..."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Will hurried down the hallway to catch up with Adam and followed him as he took a detour through the sitting room. Ted, Alexander, Annalise, and Stu were busy keeping the babies entertained.  
  
After glancing quickly around the room, he moved on to the office door, opened it, and waved Will through.  
  
"Stu, would you mind coming in here for a minute?" he asked and the young man quickly got to his feet after putting Thomas down next to Alexander. He hurried through the door and Adam followed, closing the door quickly when Matthew started crawling toward them at top speed.  
  
Will and Stu were standing in front of Adam's desk and they turned toward him when he approached.  
  
Never one to waste time, he plunged right into the reason he had brought both men to his office.  
  
"Will, this is Stu Clayton...he is going to be your second in command at the ranger station," he said bluntly. "Stu, this is my cousin, Will Cartwright."  
  
Stu's expression was guarded as he held his right hand out to the other man and Will tried to hide his surprise as they shook hands.  
  
"Pleased to meet you," Stu said, his tone was cautious and he briefly wondered what Adam's purpose was for this surprise introduction.  
  
"Uh...likewise," Will managed to say before Adam clapped Stu on the back and began to prod him toward the door.  
  
"Thanks Stu. The three of us will be meeting soon to go over plans and to toss some ideas around."  
  
Nodding, Stu held back a smile, having a good idea of the point Adam was making as he quickly escaped back to the next room.  
  
Turning back to his cousin Adam said, "Have a seat," while settling into the chair behind his desk. He leaned back and watched the other man, smiling his half smile and his eyes remote.  
  
Will stared back for a few moments, trying to marshal his thoughts together before speaking. "Am I wrong, or didn't you say I would be hiring the men to fill the other positions?"  
  
"You will be, just not the second in command," Adam answered quietly. "You need to know that Stu used to be a hired gun, but decided he didn't want to live that kind of life anymore." Will frowned.  
  
"A former hired gun? Are you sure that's the kind of man you want to give a badge to?"  
  
"Yes I am, because Stu was never typical," Adam paused as he leaned forward to pin Will with his dark gaze. "Stu is the only one I've ever known who only used his weapon when he had no other choice. He is intelligent, loyal, decent, and the fastest draw I've ever seen."  
  
"I take it then that you've known him for a long time."  
  
"Not that long, only two years, but I HAVE hired him to do jobs for me and I have been very satisfied with his work."  
  
"I see," Will still seemed to be somewhat dubious.  
  
"Look, I can tell you without reservation that if I wanted someone to be backing me up in a fight that person would be Stu." The other man was nodding as he went on.  
  
"And we do need to get something straight here. Yes, you will be in charge of the station and the men, but I will have to have the final word, of course."  
  
Will sighed quietly, acknowledging to himself that he had known this fact when he had agreed to take the position, but still chafed against the yoke.  
  
"Now, I don't intend to be looking over your shoulder all the time. I never do that with my people, but we WILL be working closely together and I need to know that this will not be a sticking point for you."  
  
"It won't," Will answered quickly and suppressed a wince, knowing his answer had been too easy and glib. Adam smiled, reading his cousin's expressions accurately.  
  
"Don't worry, I'm reasonably confident we can work things out," he said as he got to his feet and the other man rose too. He came around his desk to put one hand on his cousin's shoulder and began to steer him toward the hallway door. Pulling it open with his other hand, he held Will back for a moment.  
  
"Trust me...I know what I'm talking about," he said quietly, meeting his cousin's gaze steadily and waited.  
  
The corner's of the other man's mouth lifted then grew into a genuine smile, and he nodded quickly before stepping out into the hall and heading toward the kitchen.  
  
Adam watched him walk away for a few seconds, his expression neutral, and then went back into his office. He settled back into the chair behind his desk to think deeply about the introduction and the conversation. Some time later, he was still deep in thought when he heard a knock on the door to the sitting room.  
  
Sitting up, he called out "Come in," and held back a chuckle when Stu opened the door, stepped in, and stood there holding it open for a bit before coming toward the desk. He stopped when he was standing next to it to look down at Adam with an odd expression.  
  
"What?" he quickly asked, concerned that he was unable to read the younger man's face.  
  
"I just have one question Boss," Stu said and Adam was surprised to hear some sort of restrained emotion in his voice. "Am I supposed to be your man on the inside?"  
  
Relaxing back in his chair again, Adam raised a hand to stroke his chin and slowly smiled as his eyes shone with amusement. Stu waited patiently, not moving or changing expression, aware that the other man was carefully considering the question.  
  
"No," he answered simply and Stu just stood there, meeting his dark gaze for a few seconds before turning away and going back into the sitting room.  
  
Shaking his head, Adam shook with silent laughter, his smile wide and his eyes crinkled up at the corners, until he felt something suddenly wrap around his calf and ankle. Startled, he quickly looked down to see a pair of eyes exactly like his own shining up at him out of the dim shadow of the desk.  
  
"Now what are you doing under there?" he asked and pushed his chair back, bringing the baby out into the light still attached to his leg.  
  
"PA!" Matthew crowed, extremely pleased with himself.  
  
Realizing the child must have crawled into the room when Stu came in the second time, he reached down to pry the boy off his leg and sat him in his lap so they were facing each other.  
  
"I swear, you move faster every day and you haven't even learned how to walk yet," Adam said to his son and Matthew looked up as though he understood every word.  
  
"PA!" he said again, nodding his little head in agreement and his father chuckled.  
  
"Sometimes I wonder about you Matthew. Your brothers make so much noise you kind of get lost in the crowd, don't you?" The baby was still staring up at his father's face, seemingly fascinated with the subject, until his attention was distracted by the sound of laughter from the next room. He grinned, revealing two small white teeth with one missing in the middle and chortled as he suddenly decided he needed to taste one of the buttons on his father's shirt. With a quick snap, he managed to bite the button off, startling his father.  
  
"Dear Lord, don't swallow that!" Adam said and quickly poked a finger into the baby's mouth, fishing for the button. Delighted with this new game, Matthew rolled the button around in his mouth until his father was forced to pry his mouth open to retrieve it.  
  
Dropping the spit-covered button onto the desktop, Adam sighed with relief then quickly pressed a finger across Matthew's lips when the child's gaze focused on another button.  
  
"No!" he said firmly and stood as he shifted the baby to the crook of his arm.  
  
"Come on, let's go join the party and warn everyone to guard their buttons," he said as he walked toward the door to the sitting room.  
  
"PARTY!" Matthew almost shouted and his father had to laugh even while shaking his head, wondering what kind of mischief the child would get into next.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The party moved from the kitchen to the sitting room as the evening went on and Laura was starting to feel a little overwhelmed by all the noise after their long journey. Adam was playing his guitar while Dora played the piano and almost everyone was gathered at that end of the sitting room singing along with the music.  
  
She slipped out into the now deserted front hall and could hear Barbara, Cassie and Thea in the kitchen, talking and laughing as they worked, cleaning up. Not wanting to intrude on their easy friendship, she quietly went out the front door and sank down on the front porch swing with a tired sigh.  
  
The evening was a little chilly, but she didn't mind, the cool air was a welcome change after the almost too warm house. She had just started swinging when the front door opened and Will came out. He quietly came over to sit on the swing too and she nudged his arm up to slide up against him. Resting her head on his shoulder she sighed as his arm settled across her shoulders and he gave her a tight hug.  
  
They swung in silence for a while and she was almost asleep when he spoke, dragging her back.  
  
"Let's go for a little walk," he said as he got to his feet and held a hand out to her.  
  
"Now?"  
  
"Yeah, come on," he urged and she sighed, but took his hand.  
  
Grinning, he pulled her up and tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow as they went down the front steps. She took a deep breath of the cool air that held the promise of fall and suddenly realized her weariness was fading. They went down the front path, through the gate, and turned right toward town. At the next corner he tugged her into another right turn and they strolled down the narrow street for a couple of blocks until he suddenly stopped in front of a charming brownstone house. She glanced up at him in surprise before turning her eyes to the house and she smiled.  
  
"Why are we stopping here?" she asked while still staring at the house, taking in all the details. The front porch ran the length of the front and turned to run the whole length of the left side. The trim was painted a forest green, and the front door was a deep red. Lamps were lit inside, and she sighed, wishing they already had their own home.  
  
The front yard was narrow, but long, and the path to the door was made of the same brownstone. She opened her mouth to protest when Will started down the path, tugging her along by the hand.  
  
"What are you doing?" she said in a fierce whisper, trying to dig her heels in.  
  
"It's alright, I know the people who live here," he said and she stopped resisting, but felt a flush of annoyance warm her face. Dropping in on people she didn't know was not something she wanted to be doing late in the evening.  
  
Will stepped up to the red door, and knocked. She heard quick footsteps coming and the door suddenly swung open, revealing almost everyone who had been at the party standing in a group directly opposite.  
  
"Welcome home!" they all shouted as loud as they could and Laura's wide astonished eyes started to fill with tears. Thea peeked around the edge of the door she was still standing behind and quickly came to put her arms around the other woman.  
  
"Surprise!" she said softly as she patted Laura on the back and the other woman started laughing, even while highly emotional tears ran down her cheeks.  
  
"All right, everybody out!" Adam said and the crowd began to file out, each person stopping to either hug or shake hands with Will. Everyone was either laughing and talking as they made their way to the street, then small groups formed to head off in different directions.  
  
Adam and Thea were the last to leave and when Laura reluctantly let go and Thea moved away, she found herself looking up into Adam's smiling face and kind eyes.  
  
She burst into tears again saying, "Thank you!" and threw her arms around him, squeezing as hard as she could.  
  
"You're welcome," Adam answered, his voice tinged with suppressed laughter and gave her a quick hug before giving his cousin a pointed look.  
  
Smiling widely, Will came to put his hands on her shoulders, and at his touch she abruptly let go of Adam and turned to latch onto her husband, still sobbing with happiness.  
  
"Good night," Adam said to them from the doorway as he took Thea's hand and they quickly escaped, closing the door as they heard Will respond softly in kind.  
  
They hurried across the porch and down the path before slowing down as they turned onto the street. Thea slipped her arm around his waist and his arm wrapped around her shoulders.  
  
You still don't have any memories at all about her, do you?" Thea asked quietly and he chuckled.  
  
"Is that jealousy asking?" he teased and she slanted a quick, dark look up at him  
  
"No Adam, I trust you," she answered firmly and his arm tightened around her bringing them both to a stop.  
  
"Good," he said and bent his head down to brush her lips briefly with his own. "And my answer is 'no', I have absolutely no memories of her or what happened then."  
  
She looked up at him seriously and tipped her head to the side. "Doesn't that bother you?" she said solemnly and he laughed as he shook his head.  
  
"Theadora, there are a hundred other things that would concern me much, much more. And besides, why would I want to remember? Even if I did, it wouldn't make any difference to what I feel. You are and will be the only woman in my life for the rest of my life."  
  
They stood there in silence for a few moments until she sighed deeply, reached up with both hands to cup his face, and tugged his head down to kiss him deeply for a few seconds. Then she abruptly let go, stepped back, and said, "Last one home..." before dashing across the street and toward the alley that ran behind their house.  
  
"Last one home what?" he called.  
  
"You'll see!" she called back to him over her shoulder as she ran away.  
  
"Hmmm... now THAT sounds interesting," he said to himself, and then grinned as he walked across the street and disappeared into the dark. 


	8. CH 82 CIRCLES

LOST & FOUND – PART IX  
  
CIRCLES  
  
Chapter 82  
  
A cool breeze was blowing on a sunny second Saturday in November as two wagons rolled down the dusty lane leading to the church. The wagons slowly trundled past the building and kept going up a winding road until reaching the summit of a flat-topped hill and stopped in front of the wrought-iron gates that guarded the cemetery.  
  
Joe and Ted vaulted over the side of the first wagon and hurried to push each side of the double gate open. Adam drove the first wagon through while Ben, driving the second wagon, followed closely behind. They continued on, turning to the left and finally came to a stop in front of a smaller area bordered by a shorter wrought-iron fence.  
  
High, white fluffy clouds scudded across the sky, stippling the still glossy green grass with rumpled shadows as all of the adults spilled out of the wagons. The men began unloading two washtubs full of water while the ladies retrieved buckets, scrub brushes, and large jugs of drinking water, which they stowed under one of the wagons to keep cool. The two tubs were deposited some distance to the left of the wagons and the men hurried back to unload the two cast-iron mowers, gravel rakes, yard brooms, and hand tools.  
  
Alexander and Annalise had quickly scrambled down and the two now stood in the shade of one of the two ancient oak trees that stood guard on either side of the smaller gate, holding hands and keeping out of the way of the quickly moving adults. Their eyes widened now that they were getting their first up-close look at the place they had been forbidden to enter before and they both started when they heard their mother calling them in.  
  
Thea was standing next to a rectangular stone pillar in the center of the family plot, the name "Cartwright" chiseled deeply into each side, and she smiled at their round eyes and solemn expressions as they hurried down the gravel path.  
  
"Everyone has a job to do and that includes you," she said as she reached out to gently touch each small face with her fingertips. "Barbara and I will be cleaning the headstones and you two will be pulling out the grass around the bottoms that the mowers can't reach." The twins each nodded vigorously, excited at being trusted with such an important job and their mother hid another smile at their eagerness.  
  
"All right, let's get started, I want to be back home by noon so don't dawdle now." The children hurried off toward the nearest headstone and Thea turned toward Barbara when the other woman spoke from behind her.  
  
"They've never been up here before, have they?"  
  
"No, we didn't think they were ready," Thea's smile faded and her expression turned serious as she swept her eyes over the eight graves in the front left corner of the plot. Then she sighed and linked arms with her friend.  
  
"Well let's get started," she said in a firm no-nonsense tone and Barbara smiled, aware the other woman was really talking to herself. The two hurried to the farthest grave and got to work, scrubbing the small headstone inscribed with only a death date and the name "Hugh Higgenbotham."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The two cast-iron mowers were making a loud racket as the blade cylinders chopped at the tall grass, one being pushed by Hoss and the other by Dylan on opposite ends of the plot. Nate followed Hoss and Stu followed Dylan wielding yard brooms, busily gathering up the cut grass into long windrows that would be swept into small grass-stacks and collected later.  
  
Mike and John were some distance from the women as they used hand scythes to cut the grass on top of Mitch's grave. A large, arched headstone shaped in buff-colored rock marked his final resting place and John paused to read the verse incised deeply into the stone.  
  
"Greater love hath no one than this,  
  
that he lay down his life for his friends.  
  
John 15:13"  
  
He didn't realize how long he had been staring and trying to chase down an elusive memory until he realized Mike was glaring at him.  
  
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"  
  
"I SAID there are a lot of rumors going around about the old man stepping down soon."  
  
Still thinking about Mitch and his dying assertion that he had been innocent, John stared back blankly.  
  
"Who?"  
  
Mike sighed with exasperation. "The old man...the man you work for...the head of our division, you idiot."  
  
John's expression cleared only slightly. "Oh yeah, I've heard those rumors too," he answered dismissively.  
  
"Well have you ALSO heard they want Adam to take his place?" Seeing his friend's stare starting to become unfocused again, Mike kicked his partner in the shin, almost knocking the smaller man down.  
  
"Hey, what'd you do that for?"  
  
"Pay attention, sonny. We are in serious danger of losing Adam to Washington!"  
  
Scowling, John reached down to rub his bruised shin. "Don't be stupid, he's not going anywhere!"  
  
"How can you be so sure?" Mike's expression was dubious, but a faint gleam of hope sparked in his dark brown eyes.  
  
"Oh for God's sake, can't you see that Adam is home now? He's just gotten his family back and you better believe nothing and no one will ever take them away again." John's gaze was now firmly fixed on his partner and his tone was more than irritated.  
  
"I swear," he continued with some heat, "sometimes I think the only purpose your brain serves is to keep your head from caving in!"  
  
John's bitingly sarcastic words seemed to hang in the air between them until a surprised laugh from Mike broke the tension. He shook his head, his curly, dark-brown hair ruffling in the breeze.  
  
"You never cease to amaze me Johnny. Have you been saving that one up for a long time?" The other man flushed slightly red in embarrassment at his friend's astute guess.  
  
Mike laughed again, pleased at being right. "You can't fool me kid, I see what goes on behind those baby blues of yours."  
  
Glad that they were on good terms again, the two men got back to work and John made a conscious effort to pay attention to his hot-tempered friend. But in the back of his mind he still tried to pin down that memory, aware of a nagging feeling of urgency that he didn't understand.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Adam and his father had taken one of the empty wagons to bring back a load of gravel and Ben was now driving slowly up the center of the plot while his eldest son stood in the wagon bed, shoveling the crushed stone onto the broad path.  
  
When they finished distributing the gravel Adam looked up to see that the sun had moved a quarter of the way through the morning and he called a halt to the activity for a short break. Almost everyone had gathered around the other wagon, thankful to sit in the shade, drink from the water jugs, and rest when Stu stopped to stand next to his mother's grave.  
  
A graceful statue of a reclining woman carved out of gray marble topped the rectangular marble headstone, and he smiled as he read the inscription he knew by heart.  
  
FOREVER QUEEN OF OUR HEARTS  
  
Marie Dubois  
  
A gentle and quiet spirit  
Came into our hearts  
A woman of great worth  
  
She graced us with  
  
The unfading beauty  
  
Of her inner self  
  
Which is of great worth  
  
In God's sight  
  
She lives there still  
  
He reached out to trace his fingers across his mother's name and again wondered if she had insisted in her will on not using her married name to protect him. And again he felt that familiar clenching of his heart in shame at still keeping the secret that had torn his family apart. Slowly straightening up, he cleared his throat and spoke in a low voice that couldn't be heard by the others.  
  
"I did what you wanted, I wrote to Aunt Rachel and she contacted Pa." He looked down and nudged a rock with the toe of his dusty boot back in line with the others that outlined her grave.  
  
"He's coming to see me...says he's been looking for me for a long time." Feeling his eyes beginning to sting, he closed them tightly and continued to stand there silently, his throat working and his heart aching with regrets until a harsh whisper he couldn't hold back escaped.  
  
"I miss you..."  
  
In spite of the bright sunshine, he shivered slightly in the November breeze as a soft weight leaned against his right leg. His eyes slowly opened and he found himself looking down into Annalise's solemn little face. He instinctively bent down to scoop her up and rested one cheek on the silky hair on the top of her head as she wet his neck with a few small tears and he held her tightly.  
  
"I miss her too..."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Adam had managed to keep up with the conversation going on around him, but had still kept an eye on his daughter when she had slipped away from the group. Thea was sitting next to him and he turned to her with a smile when she nudged him with her shoulder, knowing she had been watching Annalise too.  
  
"Some day you will have to explain to me how a man like that became a hired gun."  
  
"Don't you think you should be asking Stu about that?" Thea gave him an incredulous look.  
  
"Are you kidding? If I asked him something like that he'd be so tongue- tied we wouldn't hear a peep out of him for at least a week."  
  
Chuckling, Adam shook his head, but tried to answer her oblique question. "From what I understand, he left home when he was fifteen and we both know how hard it is to make your way in the world at that age." His expression sobered as he continued.  
  
"In my opinion Stu chose to do the logical thing – capitalize on his incredible talent while at the same time learning how to only use his gun when he absolutely had to."  
  
"Hmmm..." Thea murmured, her eyes narrowed in concentration as she considered his explanation, obviously not agreeing.  
  
Laughing, Adam stood and reached down to take her hands and pull her to her feet. "That's enough deep thinking for one morning, it's time to get back to work," he said firmly and a chorus of protest sounded all around them.  
  
"Oh moan, groan, and complain..." he laughed at them and turned back to his wife to see her lips curve in an odd smile.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh, I was just wondering how things are going with Joe. He's never been alone for any length of time with the triplets before."  
  
Cupping her chin in one hand, he tipped her face up to give her a quick kiss. "Let's just hope the house is still standing when we get home," he whispered in her ear and turned to walk away, grinning at his wife's muffled laughter. 


	9. CH 83 COUSINS

LOST & FOUND – PART IX  
  
COUSINS  
  
CHAPTER 83  
  
Ted was smiling his usual broad smile, so much like his sister's, as he clattered down the stairs at the end of the passenger car and strode across the platform. He stopped to go down on one knee to fish Fred out of his valise, and then bounded down the stairs to the street while the little dog settled himself on his master's broad shoulder. His mind was still on the gathering he had just attended in San Francisco, which was more a large meeting than convention of physicians with a deep interest in the workings of the human mind. He was mulling over the new title "alienist" for such doctors, so he only vaguely noticed the smiles and grins from the other pedestrians as he made his way home to the cream-colored house. He was concentrating so hard he also didn't hear the commotion going on inside until he was at the front door.  
  
"Thomas, hold still!" Joe practically shouted, no doubt to be heard over the babble of baby voices, Balor's whining and Minnie's barking. Having a pretty good idea of what was going on, Ted hurried in and loped down the hall to stop in the sitting room doorway. His smile widened and he held back a laugh as his sharp eyes took in the chaotic scene.  
  
Joe was desperately trying to calm Thomas down while trying to pry the baby's head out from between two of the bars supporting the right arm of the rocking chair. Balor was sitting close and shifting his huge front paws anxiously, only pausing in his whining to lick the top of the boy's head. Matthew was also trying to comfort his brother by patting him on the head in between the dog's licks, while Benjamin sat watching with wide-eyed fascination and shouting the word, "Goober!" over and over. Minnie was pacing back and forth behind him, her head and tail down as she let out short sharp "woofs" of distress. Fred decided to join the chorus, lifted his pointed snout, and howled in sympathy.  
  
"Would you be needin' a little help there, cousin?" Ted's loud, but calm voice, cut through the noise as he carefully stepped over the gate, paused to put Fred on the floor, and moved toward the now silent group. Everyone, dog and human alike, turned in his direction, except for Thomas, his head was still firmly stuck.  
  
"Oh thank God, another adult!" Joe said in a deeply thankful tone. "I don't understand how he could get his head in there without being able to get it back out again." Ted took him by the upper arm and tugged the other man to his feet.  
  
"Go on down to the kitchen and bring back some butter," he said to his exasperated cousin and Joe quickly took off in that direction. Sitting down sideways in the rocking chair, he carefully turned the still crying child over and began to rub his belly as he spoke to him softly, but firmly.  
  
"Now Thomas, don't be makin' yourself sick now, we'll be getting' you out of there as fast as we can. Your uncle Joe just doesn't know the trick about it yet."  
  
The baby's huge green eyes were still welling up with tears, but he stopped squirming around as he looked up at Ted's smiling face.  
  
"Owie Unca Ted!" he said solemnly and his lower lip began to tremble again as Joe hurried in with the requested butter in a small bowl.  
  
"You push and I'll pull," Ted ordered as he slathered butter on both sides of the boy's head and in a few seconds it slid free. Shifting the child to his shoulder, the blonde man stood as Thomas wrapped his little arms around his uncle's neck and burst into tears again.  
  
"Is he all right?" Joe asked anxiously as he rubbed his nephew's back gently.  
  
"He's fine, just reactin' to bein' scared," Ted answered and chuckled softly. "This isn't the first time he's done this and don't be thinkin' it will be the last. For some reason the boy's been tryin' to stick his head through a lot of things lately."  
  
Shaking their heads, the two men moved over to the sofa and sat down; Joe's cheeks puffed out and he slowly let out a deep breath while raking his fingers through his tousled hair.  
  
"I guess this one WOULD be harder to figure out than why Thomas kept waking up screaming and what to do about it." Nodding, Ted pulled his handkerchief out and started wiping the butter off the baby's head.  
  
"Bein' taken by that human monster and stuffed into a dark basket would be enough to make anyone wake up screamin'," Ted's tone reflected the fury he still felt toward the now dead Simon Albrecht even as he smiled down into his nephew's tear-stained face.  
  
"And putting all three of them in the same crib is what finally worked, right?" Joe asked as he reached to pull out his own handkerchief and handed it to his cousin now that Ted's was completely butter covered.  
  
"Yep...I just figured we needed to wipe out the memory of bein' in that terrifyin' darkness with the memory of a comfortin' one."  
  
"A comforting one?" Joe asked as he nudged his cousin and tipped his head toward the three dogs and two babies who were sitting in a line in front of them and staring at Thomas with wide-eyes. Ted chuckled as he leaned forward to put a now almost butter-free Thomas down in front of them.  
  
The big dogs quickly got to their feet to sniff Thomas all over before licking the rest of the butter off his small head, while his brothers came crawling to pounce and knock him over. All three were giggling as they rolled around on the floor and the two big dogs sighed and moved away to take their customary positions next to the doors, obviously relieved that the danger was now over.  
  
"In the womb," Ted explained quietly and Joe laughed at the other man's cleverness.  
  
"That was pretty dang smart, cousin," he said, his eyes narrowing as he focused on his three nephews. "Just look at them, seeming so innocent and sweet, but I swear to you there've been times this morning when they seemed like little demons."  
  
Laughing, Ted leaned back and stretched his legs out in front of him. "Well now I don't find that at all surprisin' Joe, considerin' who their parents are."  
  
"I guess," the corners of Joe's mouth lifted slightly as he watched the three babies collapse in a small heap. "No sooner had everyone else left, then Matthew took a disliking to his breakfast and threw up. And that wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't thrown up on the other two." Shaking with silent laughter, Ted didn't respond, sensing Joe was on a roll.  
  
"Thank God that was in the kitchen so cleaning up the floor wasn't all that hard, but the only thing I could do was strip them down right there before taking them upstairs. By the time I got them out of the tub I was soaked, and then each one wet their diaper even before I could get them dressed again!"  
  
Nodding his head vigorously in agreement, Ted ventured a choked comment. "They DO have a tendency to do that after a bath."  
  
"Gee, thanks for the timely warning," was Joe's acerbic response as his cousin sputtered with laughter. "Those three were as hard to hold onto as greased piglets when I carried them down here, and their squealing made the dogs stick to me like burrs. I swear the high-stepping I had to do would have made any saloon-dancer proud!"  
  
Ted had both hands pressed to his aching stomach as he limply leaned back on the sofa and abandoned any attempt to hold in his amusement. The younger man eyed him darkly.  
  
"I suppose you're going to think it's funny too that Benjamin chose today to not hide behind Adam's chair and was basically cheering the other two on." He shook his head then ran his hands through his curly hair again, messing it up even more. "If I didn't know better I'd think the three of them put their little heads together and decided to make this morning a living hell for me!"  
  
"Well, there might be some truth to that..." Ted offered breathlessly as he sat back up. "What did they do?"  
  
"Believe it or not, sweet little Thomas was throwing blocks around the room until I had to take them off of him, then threw himself around in a screaming fit. While I was trying to calm HIM down Matthew managed to climb up on the back of the sofa, and slipped through all except for his feet, so he was hanging there upside down and howling at the top of his voice."  
  
"Holy Mary, Mother of God, no wonder your lookin' about done in."  
  
"Yes, no wonder. By the time I managed to fish Matthew out and turned around I saw Benjamin helping Thomas climb up on the rocking chair. I didn't even have the chance to take more than two steps over there before he'd stuck his head in between the bars."  
  
"So the three of them were gangin' up on you, eh?" Ted's voice still reflected his amusement, but a reflective gleam sparked to life in his eyes as he mentally pictured his three nephews in action.  
  
"I have no doubt about it," Joe answered with conviction then sighed as he rubbed the palms of his hands on his thighs. "I guess I better get to cleaning the butter off that damn chair while the three of them are down for the count." He started to stand but stopped when the other man put a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"There's plenty of time for that," Ted said firmly and Joe leaned back to give his cousin an expectant look.  
  
"I take it there's something you want to talk about."  
  
Nodding, Ted turned slightly sideways to meet the younger man's gaze.  
  
"I've been meanin' to talk to you about Joan for a while now, but haven't been able to catch you alone."  
  
Joe's eyes instantly became hooded and his expression tightened. "What about Joan?"  
  
The older man looked down for a moment before he shifted to the side even more. He lifted one hand as though intending to grasp Joe's shoulder, but seemingly changed his mind and let the hand fall into his lap.  
  
"What do you know about the night Joan disappeared and when Albrecht was killed?"  
  
Letting out a short, harsh bark of laughter, Joe shook his head and his mouth curved into a bitter smile. "Not much, every time I bring up the subject Adam gets this...strange look on his face and won't talk about it."  
  
"I'm not surprised," Ted's voice was soft and Joe's expression relaxed a little in response.  
  
"Why? Why aren't you surprised and why does Adam continue to push me away?"  
  
"Adam isn't really pushin' you away Joe, he's actually tryin' to hold on to you too tight." Joe stared, completely baffled for a moment until the true meaning of the young doctor's words broke through.  
  
"You mean he's trying to protect me again." Sighing Joe leaned forward to prop his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together tightly.  
  
"Why is he still doing that, Ted? Why does he continue to do the one thing that Pa used to drive him crazy with? And don't bother pointing out that he does these things because he loves me. I know that, and I also know he feels as much like a father to me as a brother." Ted couldn't help but smile at the younger man's world weary tone.  
  
"I didn't realize you were smart enough to figure that out cousin." Joe sighed again.  
  
"No pats on the head please, I didn't figure that out – Adam told me."  
  
"He TOLD you?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Just came right out and TOLD you?"  
  
Nodding, Joe glanced at Ted's incredulous expression and smiled.  
  
"Well score one for Adam over you, cousin. I don't think I've ever seen that look on your face before."  
  
Ted smiled back while shaking his head. "Every time I think I'm done figurin' that man out, he goes and does somethin' that knocks me back on my heels again." He laughed softly and Joe did the same.  
  
"Adam does have a tendency to do that to people."  
  
"I guess I better just get used to expectin' the unexpected from him."  
  
"Not a bad idea..." Joe agreed and looked down at his clasped hands again. "So what has he been holding back from me about Joan?"  
  
Ted took a deep breath, gave his young cousin an assessing glance then decided the best approach was to be matter of fact and clinical.  
  
"Joan was definitely mentally ill Joe, and I'm inclined to be thinkin' I knew that from the first moment I met her. But I'll be admittin' to you I have no idea just how deeply disturbed she was." He paused, looking for any signs of distress in the other man. Seeing none, he continued.  
  
"From everythin' she said she said the night she died I could see how badly she had suffered as a young girl – how cruel her father had been, and I believe his final heartless act of throwin' her out into the street caused her mind to break. In effect, I think it actually split in two and another person, or personality, came into bein'."  
  
Joe slowly turned his head to stare at his cousin with bleak eyes, darkly shadowed with pain. "Another personality? Ted, you're not making any sense. I mean, how can that possibly be?"  
  
"Well, you might be right about that Joe, but our knowledge of the human mind and brain is still so limited it's hard to explain what I saw that night in any other way. Unless you believe in spiritual possession, which I don't."  
  
Joe blinked rapidly, obviously trying to take in what he was hearing and understand. He unclasped his hands, scrubbed them over his face a few times, and then straightened up before leaning back and letting his hands drop limply into his lap.  
  
"All right, assuming you're right about this, just who was this 'other' person?"  
  
"Hunter."  
  
"Hunter? You mean JOAN killed those two coachmen, cut up Albrecht's face, and set that abandoned church on fire?" Joe's voice rose almost hysterically until it broke on the last word.  
  
"Yes. I'm sorry, but I'm tellin' you the truth, she freely confessed to it all." Ted took note of the younger man's now punch-drunk expression with a heavy heart, but then felt a warm glow of pride in his cousin to see him clench his teeth and shake his head in an attempt to clear it.  
  
"I just can't believe the woman I knew would be able to do such a thing!"  
  
"That's the whole point, Joe. JOAN wasn't capable, but Hunter was. Hunter came into bein' at first to protect Joan, and then to protect the only other person in the world she cared about...Thea."  
  
Shaking his head again, Joe struggled to understand. "You mean...the only reason she did those things was to protect Thea's husband...not Adam himself?"  
  
"Right. You see Thea was the only person who ever stood up for Joan. She just happened to be drivin' by when Joan's father threw her half naked out into the street." Badly shaken, Joe still smiled at the mental picture.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"She said that Thea came runnin' to help her and that man came chargin' down the stairs, shoutin' something about leavin' garbage in the gutter where it belongs. Of course our sister paid no attention to him until he started for her, so she threatened him with that knife she always carries. And believe me I remember everythin' Hunter said that night clearly and she was laughin' about her father running away. She said, 'Little Thea threatened that big, tough MAN with a knife and he ran away. I've loved her ever since, I'd do anything for her.'"  
  
"Oh Lord," Joe breathed and the two men fell silent then, the only noise in the room came from the deep breathing of the three babies who hadn't been disturbed at all by the noise. They were used to a loud, chaotic house.  
  
The silence stretched on while Ted watched the color start to return to the younger man's face and he braced himself to deliver the final blow. Just like pulling a bandage off quickly, the rest had to be done in the same manner.  
  
"But that's not everythin' Joe..." he started to say and was surprised as well as glad to see the other man's eyes narrow slightly with the first stirrings of anger.  
  
"Damn it, what more could there possibly BE?"  
  
"What I can't help but be belivin' is irrefutable proof that Joan loved you." He paused to choose his next words carefully and had to hold back a smile at his cousin's dubious expression.  
  
"Go on Ted, let's get this over and done with so I don't ever have to think about again!" Joe's voice was steady as well as impatient.  
  
"What I'm about to tell you even Adam doesn't know, so please keep this just between us. You see, after assessin' Joan's physical condition that night I realized she was dyin' because she was willin' herself to die. Her injuries alone weren't enough to cause death."  
  
"She was willing herself to die?"  
  
"Yes, I believe so."  
  
"But why? Was she afraid of going to prison? Or did she just not want to live anymore?"  
  
"No...Joan DID want to keep on livin', desperately I think...but she also knew the only way to be keepin' you safe was to die... and to take Hunter with her." Ted reached out to grasp his cousin's shoulder firmly before continuing.  
  
"She made the ultimate sacrifice for you Joe, out of love. She gave her life to keep Hunter from killin' you." 


	10. CH 84 REMEMBERANCE

LOST & FOUND – PART IX  
  
REMEMBERANCE  
  
Chapter 84  
  
Ben finished fastening the tail gate of the deep wagon full of machinery in place and then sighed as he shaded his eyes with one hand from the sun almost directly overhead. He swept his gave over the neat and tidy cemetery and noticed the twins standing by a small monument in the shape of a lamb.  
  
The white marble of the small statue shone brilliantly in the strong sunshine and Annalise was running her hands all over the lamb's head while Alexander was staring intently at the inscription deeply chiseled into the gray stone base. He had just dropped down into a crouch to trace his fingers over the words when Ben reached them. Annalise gave him a delighted smile.  
  
"Look Grandpa, isn't it beautiful?" she enthused while still running her hands over it as though committing it to memory. Chuckling, Ben started to reach out with one hand to smooth stray wisps of the child's shiny black hair down, but then realized his hands were too earth and grass stained.  
  
"Yes, it is a beautiful piece of work," he agreed and she laughed, continuing to closely examine the small form. He was about to tell both children it was time to leave when Alexander finally spoke.  
  
"Grandpa, what does this say?" the boy's tone was deeply solemn and his gaze stayed fastened on the inscription.  
  
Ben hesitated, unsure as to what he should or shouldn't say, so he turned to look for his eldest son and spotted him standing next to Joan's grave with his head down and his hands clasped together. As though sensing the weight of his father's stare, Adam looked up and their eyes met in silent communication. Then he nodded and after taking a deep breath, the older man turned back to answer his grandson's question.  
  
"I know you're learning how to read in school, so sound out the words and I'll help you," Ben answered quietly and Annalise darted a startled look at his serious expression. Her smile faded and she slowly came to stand beside him, wrapped one arm around his leg and leaned against him.  
  
"The first name starts with two 'A's' and I don't know how to say that," Alexander's tone was impatient with frustration at not knowing and Ben smiled a small smile at how much he sounded like his father at that age.  
  
"The second 'A" is silent..."  
  
"Well if you don't say it, then why is it in there?" the boy shook his head in wonder at what he saw as another example of adult stupidity then went on, not waiting for an answer.  
  
"Air...on..."  
  
"That's close," his grandfather said. "But the 'r-o-n' sounds the same as 'run'."  
  
"Oh..." Alex shook his head again and continued on to the next word. "Add...eye...son," he glanced u again. "That doesn't sound right."  
  
"The 'I' in the middle is pronounced as 'uh'," Ben answered. "And I'm sure you know the next word." Alex nodded as he ran his eyes across the first line of the inscription.  
  
"Then his name was...Aaron Addison Cartwright." The boy didn't wait for confirmation before starting on the next line.  
  
"Be...love...ed...oh, I've heard that one before in church! It's 'beloved' isn't it?" he reached out to trace the word with his index finger.  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
"OK, the next word is 's-o-n' and that means 'son' so the next line says 'beloved son'."  
  
Ben reached out to encourage his grandson by firmly squeezing his small shoulder. "Right!"  
  
"I think I can read the whole thing now," Alexander said with an emphatic nod. "It says 'Aaron Addison Cartwright...beloved son...sleep little one, sleep', right Grandpa?"  
  
"Very good son, yes it does."  
  
"But what do these numbers mean?" the boy was now tracing the last line of the inscription with both hands and started slightly when Annalise spoke up.  
  
"That says when he was bornded and when he died," she answered her brother's question in a small voice filled with sorrow as she tightened her hold on her grandfather's leg. Then she let out a small sob and pressed her face into the side of his thigh. Ben forgot all about the dirt on his hands and gently cupped the back of her small head.  
  
"She's right Alex, that's what those numbers mean. They represent the dates of his birth and death."  
  
"But...how come they're the same then?" The boy got to his feet and turned to face his grandfather.  
  
"Because he was born and died on the same day."  
  
Alex's eyes narrowed and his lips briefly pressed together in a grim line. "You mean he was a baby? Like Matthew...and Thomas...and Benny?"  
  
Ben just nodded, silently waiting for the next question he knew would be coming, but Annalise provided the answer before the question could be asked.  
  
"He was our brother," her voice was muffled against Ben's leg, "he was bornded first a long time ago." Alex's face turned bright red and Ben was shocked at the furious glare he turned her way.  
  
"That's not true!"  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
"No it's not and Pa is gonna punish you for lying!"  
  
"It is too true and I DON'T lie!" Annalise's face was still wet with tears as she turned her head to return her brother's angry stare.  
  
The boy opened his mouth to argue the point further, but Ben broke in.  
  
"Now that's enough you two, this is not the time or the place for an argument!" he said forcefully, but low, and both children gave him a startled look before hanging their heads. Sighing, he went down on one knee to gather them into his arms.  
  
"Alex, I know this is a very hurtful thing, but your sister IS telling the truth and I'm surprised at you for accusing her of lying."  
  
After wiping a few small tears away, Alexander kept his head down and looked at his sister through wet and spiky upper lashes.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said with a tight throat and was visibly relieved when his sister gave him a small smile, forgiving him quickly and easily as usual.  
  
Glad their little spat was over, Ben tightened his hold on them and stood, settling a child on each hip before turning and starting for the wagons where everyone was now waiting.  
  
Having just given his father permission to explain to the twins about the brother they never knew they had, Adam returned to contemplating the grass- covered mound at his feet. He closed his eyes and continued going over his memories of the sad, tragic, and disturbed woman who had saved his son's life, tried to take his brother's, and sacrificed her own.  
  
His concentration was so deep, he wasn't aware of Dylan coming to stand next to him until the younger man cleared his throat. He opened his eyes and waited, but didn't move.  
  
"Refresh my memory...did you say you didn't recognize Joan in the Bentwood Junction jail because she had managed to disguise herself so well?" Adam nodded without lifting his eyes from the grave.  
  
"I see...did she by any chance make herself look old?"  
  
Adam nodded again and his eyes narrowed slightly, anticipating the other man's train of thought.  
  
"Hmmm...and didn't you say you almost ran over an elderly woman when you were chasing the person who slipped that note from Hunter under the door at Eden House?"  
  
The corners of Adam's mouth twitched, then lifted slightly as he silently nodded for the third time.  
  
"I was just wondering Boss," Dylan continued, "because the night before Hunter torched that abandoned church in Earlystown we thought we heard someone at the door." He paused to dart a quick sideways look at the other man to gauge his reaction and was relieved, but not surprised, to see him grinning now.  
  
"But when Stu looked, all he saw was what he took to be an elderly woman with white hair shuffling down the hall."  
  
Shaking his head in wonder, Adam's grin widened into a smile.  
  
"You know," the tall red-haired man went on, his voice ringing with admiration for the woman, "I'm pretty sure I got a brief look at her face a couple of days before the fire and those pale-blue eyes are all I can remember now."  
  
Dylan took a deep breath and let it out slowly as the older man began to shake with barely audible laughter.  
  
"Interesting chain of coincidence, don't you think?" he finished, and dared to clap one hand to the other man's back before walking away, smiling widely himself.  
  
After wiping a few tears of laughter away, Adam sighed and his amused expression slowly faded.  
  
"Ah Joan..." he said softly, a world of regret in his tone before he turned away to intercept his father and the twins on their way to the wagons.  
  
When he reached them he was quick to correctly assess the situation and gave his father a grateful smile before putting a large hand on the back of each child's neck and dropping a kiss on the top of each small, sun-warmed head. The his brows rose slightly when he noticed signs of fatigue on his father's face.  
  
"Would you do me a favor Pa, and let me drive the equipment wagon so you can keep these two with you?" he asked as he put one hand on Ben's back to steer him toward the wagonload of people.  
  
His father slanted him a slightly suspicious look. "All right, but you'll have to hold them while I get in."  
  
Adam started to reach for his children, but then stepped back when Hoss suddenly appeared.  
  
"Don't worry about that Pa, just hang on to 'em tight," the big man interrupted with a laugh and lifted all three in. Still laughing, he put up the tailgate and went to take the reins as Ben sat down and settled the now heavy-eyed children into his lap.  
  
Adam only paused long enough to give his wife a quick nod in answer to her inquisitive look before moving out of the way so Hoss could back the wagon up and turn it around. He watched it roll through the main gate and had to laugh with everyone else when Thea shouted, "Don't you dawdle now!" at the top of her voice.  
  
In a few moments he pulled the horses up on the other side of the main gate where John was waiting to swing thm shut. The baby-faced deputy was still chuckling as he climbed up and sat down.  
  
"You know, for such little woman Thea sure does have an impressive set of lungs!" he said then turned bright red when Adam burst out laughing.  
  
"I didn't mean it that way!" he protested, horrified at having said something off-color, even though by accident.  
  
"I know...I know," Adam assured his deputy as he released the brake and slapped the reins against the horses' backs. He laughed one more time before turning to give the mortified man sitting beside him a wicked smile as they started down the road.  
  
"But seriously John, she really does, doesn't she?"  
  
Ben leaned back against the side of the wagon and tightened his hold on the now sleeping children before closing his own eyes. Voices swirling around him faded into the background, and he found his thoughts turning back to the day when he had learned about the death of his first-born grandchild...  
  
More than a month earlier, Ben and Hoss entered the Sage Brush and saw the deputies gathered at their "usual" table. The two men had just sat down when Joe hurried in. He came around the table to sit next to his father and all conversation stopped when they saw how upset he was.  
  
Leaning forward to look at Hoss he said, "Did you ever tell Pa about Adam and Thea's first son?"  
  
The big man blinked, obviously startled by the question. "Nope...thought you did."  
  
Joe shook his head then turned to Ben. "I think Nate should tell you about it since he was the one who told us," he offered in an effort to make explanations short.  
  
The blond-haired deputy leaned across the table, his deep-blue eyes met Ben's earnestly. "He was born months too soon Mr. Cartwright...the poor thing never even took a single breath."  
  
"When did this happen?" Ben asked, his face having paled considerably.  
  
"Not very long after they married – it almost destroyed them," Nate answered in a hushed voice.  
  
"Do you remember when that was?" Joe asked him. "I mean what month?"  
  
Nate thought for a moment then his eyes opened wide, "What's the date today?"  
  
"October third," Joe answered.  
  
"Damn that's the date, so today is the anniversary," Nate answered, clearly uneasy.  
  
"Now this is finally making sense," Joe sighed then continued. "I ran into Dave Ross from the freight office and he was asking me a lot of questions about a small crate Adam picked up this morning." He turned back to his father, "He said it was listed on the paperwork as 'remains'."  
  
Ben closed his eyes and his face tightened with pain for his own first born.  
  
"I never thought he would actually do it," Nate breathed wide-eyed. "When he told me that he was going to have the child exhumed and re-interred when they had a permanent home he was so drunk I didn't think he'd even remember it, let alone do it."  
  
"Adam was drunk?" Hoss asked in surprise.  
  
"Just about as inebriated as I've ever seen anyone be and still be partially conscious," Nate answered. "He didn't actually pass out until I hot him home."  
  
Hoss was obviously shaken to the core as he stared at his younger brother. "You mean he actually had that baby dug up and brought here?"  
  
"That's what it looks like."  
  
"But why?" The big man now also seemed bewildered.  
  
Ben finally looked up, "When YOUR child is born and you become a father, you'll understand," he said, but not unkindly.  
  
Hoss was nodding as his father stood, "Where you goin', Pa?"  
  
"To the cemetery," the older man said quietly and started for the door. The rest of the men glanced at each other then got to their feet and hurried to follow. When they reached the cemetery, dismounted, and went through the gate they saw Adam standing next to a small, freshly filled-in grave. He stood with his back to them and a shovel lay on the ground at his feet.  
  
Adam glanced over his shoulder at them, but then turned back without displaying any reaction at all to thier presence.  
  
The men ranged themselves around the small mound and Adam still stood there with his earth-stained hands clasped in front of him, staring down at his first child's final resting place.  
  
Ben was standing to his right and as the silence lengthened he looked at the small headstone topped by a carving of a small lamb. He winced, his heart aching as he read the name deeply etched into the stone. Then he put his head down and closed his eyes.  
  
"I hope you all understand that I had to do this by myself. He is my son and I alone am responsible," Adam said in a hoarse, pained voice.  
  
That startled everyone and they all looked to Nate who shook his head and mouthed the word "NO."  
  
Adam continued, "I know you all want to help and I thank you, but I need to be alone for a while."  
  
No one nodded or said a word, they just quietly walked away and Ben was the last to go. He had just stepped back when Adam said, "Pa, would you please wait for me in my office at home? I won't be much longer."  
  
Ben put a hand on his son's shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze as his answer. Then he moved away to join the others at the gate. But before he stepped through, he turned back to look at his eldest son. Adam stood motionless, straight and solid – his shoulders set and strong, bearing the incredible weight of his old wounds and his fresh grief.  
  
Even while his heart bled, Ben felt a warm glow of admiration well up for his son's strength of character. He raised his eyes to the sky and sent an arrow prayer up to God.  
  
"Please Lord, don't let him suffer over this any more," he said low, and then went through the gate to join the rest for the short ride back to town.  
  
When Ben reached the house he noticed that Thea was sitting on the front porch swing watching him approach. She waved to him before he continued down the graveled drive then dismounted to lead his horse into the barn. He had a feeling he would be staying for a while.  
  
"Pa! Come sit with me for a bit," Thea called to him in a slightly rough voice when he came around the corner of the house and into the front yard. When he reached her he could tell by her red eyes that she had been crying.  
  
"Are you alright?" he asked.  
  
"No, but I will be," she said seriously as he sat next to her. Ben slipped an arm around her shoulders and she leaned against him with a sigh.  
  
"Did you go to the cemetery?" she asked softly. He nodded. "Is he still there?" He nodded again.  
  
"I dread this day every year, but I hope this will be the last one now that he's brought Aaron home." She shook her head.  
  
"But isn't grief a natural and normal thing for him to be feeling?"  
  
"Yes, but not this overwhelming guilt that rises up and practically chokes the life out of him." She shifted on the seat to lean back and met Ben's sorrowful gaze.  
  
"You see, I keep telling him that nothing and no one could have saved our child, but he just continues to struggle and suffer." She shook her head again. "I just can't understand it and he refuses to talk about it."  
  
"I don't understand it either. How could he possibly hold himself responsible for an act of nature?"  
  
"I have no idea," Thea sighed.  
  
They were both silent for a few moments then she spoke. "You know, I never even got to see him. I was unconscious when he was born and when I woke up in the hospital it was too late. Adam had to go through burying Aaron alone. Maybe if I had been there things might have been different." She made an impatient sound, "Oh Pa, I'm just so tired of this question and never having any kind of an answer. I'm so tired of seeing what it does to him every year, and frustrated at not being able to do anything about it. Sometimes I could just scream – scream and try to shake some sense into him."  
  
"I'm so sorry, child. I wish I could take some of this burden for you."  
  
"I know," she said and gave him a small smile. "Please don't think I'm being heartless, but as a doctor I can tell you some children are just not meant to be born. Something is not right from the very beginning and it's nothing anyone can see until it's over." She took a deep breath then let it out slowly as she stood and turned to look up the road.  
  
"Well, he's probably going to be back soon so I should go inside. He doesn't like to be around anyone when he's going through this."  
  
"Thea, he asked me to meet him in his office here."  
  
She quickly swung around toward him, astonished. "He did!"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oh Sweet Lord! Then he's finally ready to talk about it," she said with both relief and unease in her voice. She looked at him earnestly, "Pa, I know you are a very intelligent man. Would you be offended if I offered you some advice about how to handle this?"  
  
He smiled as he shook his head.  
  
"Just let him talk and only ask him questions."  
  
Ben thought about that for a moment then nodded. He opened his mouth to tell her that made good sense, but stopped when he spotted his eldest son coming. Thea glanced over her shoulder then turned back to quickly bend down and kiss him on the cheek.  
  
"Maybe now that he has you back in his life he'll be able to put this behind him," she said low before hurrying into the house.  
  
He slowly followed and had just entered the tower office by the inside door as Adam came in the outside door.  
  
"Thank you for waiting."  
  
Ben just smiled and remained silent as he settled himself in a deep armchair and Adam came to sit on the sofa directly opposite. He stared down at the floor for a moment and when he raised his head his father's face tightened at the pain he saw there. Then that look was gone  
  
"Pa, I know Nate told you all 'no' when I said I was responsible for my son's death, but he's wrong. I AM responsible; my child is dead because of my actions."  
  
Ben bit back a quick denial and tried to keep his voice matter-of-fact. "If being born too soon is not what killed him, then what did? And how could you possibly be responsible?"  
  
"You want to know what killed my son? I'll tell you – my pride is what killed him."  
  
"Your pride?"  
  
Adam put a hand up and rubbed his forehead. "Yes, my pride. I made it clear to Thea before we were married that we would live on what I could provide. I was determined to never touch a penny of the fortune she inherited from her grandmother and father." He sighed.  
  
"Pa, I knew something was wrong. Just like I knew the triplets would all be boys, and just like I knew something would go wrong with their births." He paused as he closed his eyes.  
  
"I just knew, and I didn't follow my instincts. I did not swallow my pride, take some of that money, and see that my wife and child received the care they needed. That is why I am responsible and I'll have to live with that fact for the rest of my life." He propped his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands as he continued.  
  
"When Thea went into labor I was frantic, there was no time to send for help and when she became unconscious I almost panicked. He was born no more than two minutes later." He straightened up and held out a hand toward his father, palm up.  
  
"I could almost hold that child in just one hand Pa, he was that small. He had no heartbeat and did not take one single breath, but he did open his eyes. I swear to you that he opened his eyes and he looked at me for just a second, then they closed and he went limp. I knew he was dead, but I tried everything I could think of – it made no difference."  
  
"I still see those eyes," he went on in a deeply pained voice and bowed his head again. "They watch me in my dreams. They look at me out of the darkness when I can't sleep, and they always are saying the same thing. 'Why did you let me die?'"  
  
"Have you ever told Thea this?" Ben asked gently, already knowing the answer.  
  
"I can't." Adam answered him flatly then leaned back..  
  
"Is that why you push her away every year? To keep her at a distance so she won't see what's tearing you up inside?"  
  
Adam nodded then closed his eyes. "I can't stand the thought of my wife hating me and she will if I tell her the truth – the truth that I KNEW, but did nothing."  
  
Ben's face tightened with anger. "That's not fair Adam, Thea would never hate you!"  
  
"I keep telling you people that you don't know her as well as I do. You don't understand how unbending and unforgiving she can be."  
  
"Maybe with other people, but never with you. You have to share this burden with her. If you don't, it will just keep getting worse and you'll end up with a wall of silence between you. You HAVE to tell her, son."  
  
"Are you sure about that, Pa? Are you absolutely and without a doubt sure she will not turn her back on me?"  
  
"Yes," Ben answered without a second's hesitation.  
  
Adam sat up quickly and leaned forward toward his father, staring into his eyes intently. The certainty he saw there seemed to make up his mind. Without another word, he went to the office door, opened it and called his wife's name. Ben could hear her quick footsteps coming.  
  
When she came into the room he stood saying, "I think I'll go look in on the children if you don't mind."  
  
Thea nodded and gave him a grateful smile.  
  
He glanced back as he went through the door and saw Adam pull her into his lap as he sat down. Ben sighed in relief.  
  
Making his way upstairs he found the twins in the playroom in between their bedrooms. They greeted him with high excitement at his unexpected visit and each took one of his hands to tug him over to a double-sided easel so he could see what they had been drawing – their ponies.  
  
Annalise's attempt was better than what one would expect from a five-year- old, but when he moved to the other side his eyes opened wide. Somehow Alex had managed to capture movement in his picture, the pony looked as though he would gallop off the page any second.  
  
Ben bent down to examine it more closely and shook his head. The anatomy of the small horse was faithfully reproduced in detail, a very difficult thing for even an accomplished artist to achieve.  
  
"This is very good Alex," he told his grandson quietly as Annalise came around to stand next to him.  
  
"Alex can draw anything," she said proudly and hurried over to a cabinet. She opened the door, pulled out a sheaf of papers, and then hurried back to hand them to her grandfather.  
  
He moved over to a small table and laid the papers down before going through them. He was astounded by what he saw. He hadn't expected that most would be portraits of family members and action scenes done from memory.  
  
There was Joe lying in the snow with Thea sitting on him and shoving a handful of it in his face. The next was a head-and-shoulder's portrait of Annalise that captured the sweetness of her character. The boy had switched to watercolors to portray Hoss and Dora sitting together on the front porch swing. Hoss was laughing while Dora looked up at him with her charmingly cheeky grin.  
  
Ben worked his way slowly down the stack, and when he reached the last one he almost gasped. Alexander had chosen his father for this picture and had drawn him with charcoal in a pose the boy no doubt had seen many times.  
  
He had drawn his father in profile from the knees up and holding Benjamin closely cuddled up against his chest. Adam was looking down at the infant with all the love he felt for his child plainly written on his face, his large, strong hands conveying the impression of gentleness.  
  
Alex had come to stand next to his grandfather as he went through the pictures and now he looked down into the boy's smiling face. "These are wonderful," he simply said and Alexander's smile widened.  
  
"Do you want that one Grandpa?" he asked hopefully, as though testing the sincerity of his grandfather's statement.  
  
"Yes," Ben said as he reached to put a hand on his grandson's head. "Yes, I would like that very much."  
  
"That one's my favorite too," Annalise informed him, her emerald eyes still shining with pride in her brother's talent.  
  
"I'm gonna do one of Ma like that, do you think you'd want that one too?" Alex was almost vibrating with excitement, pleased he could give his grandfather a present.  
  
"I certainly would!" Ben said, and then laughed at how Alex wriggled like a puppy with pleasure.  
  
"I'll start I right now!" the boy enthused and trotted over to the easel. He took the picture of the pony down and replaced it with a new piece of drawing paper. Picking up a stick of charcoal from the tray, he poked his tongue out of the corner of his mouth and began to draw, his brow furrowed in fierce concentration.  
  
"I have something for you too, Grandpa," Annalise said low and went to the cabinet again. When she came back she handed him a small, clay figure. The figure was a man reclining with his knees drawn up, his hands clasped on his stomach, and his hat pulled low to cover most of his face. Ben had no trouble at all recognizing the man as Hoss. The details and the proportions of the body were all slightly exaggerated, like a very clever and subtle caricature.  
  
"Did someone teach you how to do this?" he asked his granddaughter and she grinned as she shook her head.  
  
"Well, thank you very much, this is wonderful." Her sweet face lit up with happiness and she threw her arms around his waist to hug him tight. Then she stepped back and tugged on his hand so he would bend down.  
  
"I only draw to keep Alex company, he doesn't like to draw alone," she whispered into his ear then gave him another smile before skipping back to the other side of the easel.  
  
Ben watched the two for a moment then left the room holding the drawing and the clay figure carefully. He went into the nursery next and placed them safely on the bureau before going to look at the babies. Matthew and Thomas were deeply asleep, but Benjamin was wide-awake and standing up his crib. He held onto the top bar of the crib side and grinned at his grandfather showing four small white teeth in front. Then he held his arms out demanding, "Up!"  
  
He obligingly picked the child up and when he turned around he started in surprise to see his eldest son standing right behind him. Adam motioned toward the rocking chairs on the other side of the room.  
  
When they were both seated Adam watched his father put the baby to his shoulder and begin to rock. Ben looked at him expectantly.  
  
"How did it go?" he asked apprehensively then relaxed when his eldest son raised one eyebrow and smiled his half smile.  
  
"You're not going to believe this...she told me I was being stupid."  
  
"What?"  
  
"She called me stupid, and out of all the reactions I expected that was not one of them. Thea still insists that if she didn't see or feel any signs of something being wrong then no other doctor would have either. And she's right – I WAS being stupid and I should have given her the same trust I've always demanded that she have in me."  
  
Adam paused to sigh tiredly. "But you know how it is, your head tells you one thing, your heart tells you another."  
  
His father just nodded. "You told her everything?"  
  
"Everything."  
  
"Good," was all Ben had to say then and the two men rocked in silence for a while.  
  
"You know," Adam said softly, "I'm not only stupid, I'm selfish too."  
  
His father gave him a questioning look.  
  
"I have four healthy, intelligent sons and a beautiful, brilliant daughter, but that's not enough. I want Aaron too; I want all six of my children here."  
  
"Why is that being selfish?"  
  
"To wish him back from a place where I know there is no pain of any kind? From a place where he will never, ever feel anything but contentment?" Adam let out a small chuff of harsh laughter. "I consider that to be selfish, don't you?"  
  
Ben shook his head, "Maybe so, but that's the way a father's heart is. That's the way a father's heart is supposed to be. We love our children and want what's best for them, but at the same time we never want to let them go."  
  
Adam nodded and the two men exchanged a look of perfect understanding. Then they continued to rock in comfortable silence until Matthew woke from his nap and made his disgruntled mood known at the top of his voice. 


	11. CH 85 MEMORIES

**LOST & FOUND - PART IX**

**Chapter 85**

**Memories**

The usual crowd was still gathered around the long kitchen table later that evening and numerous, lively conversations were going on at once. Hoss was listening with only one ear to his wife and sister-in-law discussing everything baby-related under the sun until something to the right caught his attention. Turning only his eyes in that direction, he watched Mike quietly slip out the back door and hurry toward the barn.

The curly-haired deputy had been subdued all afternoon and Hoss could have sworn he had seen the quick shine of suppressed tears in the other man's eyes more than once. He was still thinking deeply about the enigmatic young man when the clock struck nine and the group began to disperse, so on impulse he took advantage of all the activity to follow.

When he entered the round barn he paused as usual to admire the unusual, but efficient design of the structure. Then he grinned, remembering the constant ribbing Adam had endured ever since he had first revealed his building plans.

Yellow lantern-light spilled from the large loose box to his right and he could hear crunching noises that almost drowned out the deputy's voice speaking softly. Hoss continued down the curved aisle and his grin widened into a smile when he reached the box. He propped his forearms on top of the half-height front wall and waited.

"Hey Hoss," Mike said low without turning around, broke another carrot in half, and then offered a piece to each pony on a flat palm.

"How'd you know it was me?"

"Believe it or not, you have a very distinctive walk."

"Really?" The big man chuckled, his bright blue eyes smiling at the younger man as Mike came to lean one shoulder against the front wall.

"Why'd you come out? Did Adam send you after me?"

"Nope," Hoss shook his head, "I was just wonderin' if somethin' was wrong." He paused for a moment while taking in the other man's downcast expression and bowed shoulders. "What's weighin' so heavy on your mind?"

The deputy didn't respond at first and Hoss carefully watched the play of emotions flash across his face until he relaxed and smiled slightly. "I was just thinking about Jerry a lot today," he shrugged his free shoulder before looking up, "his gravestone says 'James,' but he'll always be 'Jerry' to me."

"You know, I never did hear the whole story 'bout that..."

Mike looked away and Hoss waited, silent and patient, knowing his young friend badly needed to confide in someone.

"When John and I were hired by Pinkerton, Jerry had already been with the agency for a year and he kinda looked out for us, if you know what I mean."

"Yep...I do."

"Then Adam and Nate joined and everything changed almost overnight," Mike shook his head. "Like Jerry used to say, Adam jumped in with all four feet and the next thing I knew we were a team and he was our fearless leader." Hoss chuckled.

"Now that sounds like my brother was still himself, even though he didn't know who he was." Laughing, Mike folded his arms across his chest and nodded.

"Very well said, Hoss!" The big man's eyes sparkled with good humor and he smiled, but didn't reply.

"Well, it wasn't very long after that when your brother found out John had a law degree, but had never taken the bar exam. Of course that just wouldn't do, so he started dragging John home with him after work almost every day to study."

"He CAN be kinda pushy."

"Yes sir, and don't I know it!" Mike agreed. "I started tagging along and eventually Jerry showed up too."

"So that's how you all became family," Hoss said, stating a fact, not asking a question.

"Yeah, and what's funny is it happened so fast. Right from the beginning those two welcomed us with open arms, just like they did with Nate and I have to admit it felt pretty damn good not to be alone anymore."

"I bet," was Hoss's quick answer. "Have you always been on your own?"

"No," Mike said low as he dropped his gaze to the stall floor. "My family is still in Ireland and they think I'm dead. I won't ever be seeing them again."

"Now that's just downright awful!"

"Not really...it's actually better that they think I'm dead rather then know I'm rotting away in prison." He chuckled and Hoss's brows rose in surprise then Mike laughed.

"I'm not laughing about my family thinking I'm dead, it's just that it was SO easy Hoss! So easy you wouldn't believe it!" He shook his head, "It wasn't until I was on my way here that I realized I managed to get away with it because I understand how the criminal mind works, and that is something absolutely vital for any lawman to have."

The big man's expression plainly said he didn't like what he was hearing and Mike's smile widened even more. "Look, I was accused of something I didn't do, but considering that my accuser was a rich Englishman I knew I hadn't a hope in hell of being acquitted," his smile faded and he sighed. "Things are a lot different over there..."

"So I've heard," Hoss answered his tone quietly sympathetic now.

"You'd be surprised at how many of us have had a close call with the law or been victims of crime," Mike raised one hand to count off examples. "Me being falsely accused, the dust up over Nate's father's death, Dylan's childhood career as a con-man's apprentice, John's scandalous almost trial, and Adam's attempted murder."

"And Jerry changing his name so nobody would know he was a Confederate," Hoss added, his gaze narrowing as he already began to mull over the startling facts just revealed.

"Yeah," Mike agreed and the two men fell silent for a while, each lost in their own thoughts until Hoss took a deep breath and straightened up.

"Well, I better be getting' back inside before Dora comes lookin' for me."

"G'night Hoss" Mike said softly, "and thanks for listening."

"Anytime, and don't worry I won't be sayin' a word to anybody."

The deputy let out a small chuff of amusement. "I know...I never doubted that for a second..."

Nodding, the big man reached over the half wall and gave Mike a quick, firm shoulder squeeze before turning and slowly making his way back to the house.

The kitchen was mostly in shadow, but someone had left a small lamp burning on the long table. Hoss only stopped long enough to make sure it was out, and then went upstairs to the room he and Dora usually stayed in when spending the night.

Dora was already in bed, lying on her side with her back to him. He thought she was deeply asleep when he carefully got into bed, but she rolled over to fling one arm across his chest and snuggled up against him.

"Where were you?" she yawned.

"In the barn," he answered and then chuckled softly when the child pressed against his side moved restlessly and kicked him.

"Ow!" Dora laughingly complained as they both rolled onto their right sides and Hoss pressed up against her from behind. He started to gently rub her distended belly with one large hand and the child immediately stopped moving. She sighed with pleasure.

"Mmm...you went out to the barn to talk with Mike, didn't you?"

"Yep."

"Is he alright? I noticed he seemed...uh...I can't think of the English phrase..."

"Kinda down?"

"Yes! That's it."

"He's fine...just needed someone to listen for a while."

"Oh good," she yawned again then giggled. "Hoss, what are you doing?"

"Nothin'."

"Well whatever that nothin' you're doing is, don't stop!"

Their softly mingled laughter drifted out the partially open window and Mike couldn't help but smile at the sound as he took a shortcut through the side yard, his shoulders hunched against the now cold air.

He crossed the street and wearily trudged up the outside stairs to the second floor door over the Sage Brush. His room was the first one the left and he only sat down long enough to pull off his boots and drop his gun belt before stretching out on the bed, on top of the covers.

Sighing, he stacked his hands behind his head, his heart feeling incredibly heavy with loneliness as he looked inward and remembered the day he had learned the whole truth about Jerry's past.

* * *

Almost all of the offices in the Pinkerton Agency building were dark and empty when Mike decided to call it a day and go home. He went down the main upstairs hall quietly and had just started down the stairs when he stopped in surprise to see Jerry slipping into the central files office.

Realizing he couldn't walk away from this unexpected violation of agency regulations, he was about to follow when the door opened again and Jerry poked his head out to look up and down the hall carefully. Mike retreated as quietly as he could and hid behind an office door.

Jerry's heavy tread come up the stairs and continued down the hall to the left - toward his office. As soon as he heard the familiar creaking sounds as the other man settled into his desk chair, Mike came out to silently move down the hall. When he reached the right office, he flattened himself against the wall and edged closer to the doorway to look in.

The man in question was sitting at his desk and holding a large sheet of paper in both hands – a lit table lamp with its chimney removed sat near a large brass ashtray on the desktop to his left. Mike's eyes narrowed.

Sighing deeply, the man behind the desk folded the paper in half, folded it in half again, and was just about to touch a corner of it to the lamp flame when Mike stepped into the doorway. Jerry immediately froze, yet didn't seem to be at all surprised.

The two stared at each other for a few tense moments until Jerry cleared his throat. "I guess I've always known I'd be found out someday..." he said with a rusty laugh as Mike came up to the desk and held out one hand. Jerry immediately handed the paper over.

"You know, the only thing I can say in my defense is we had no idea that train was packed full of civilians and not munitions." He laughed that rusty laugh again. "I swear that's the truth, Mike, I never would have blown up that bridge if I'd known."

His words almost echoed in the large room while his friend carefully studied the sketch on the "wanted" poster.

"Captain James Caldwell, eh?" he said quietly and Jerry nodded before bowing his head to stare at the desktop. In a few moments, Mike finished reading and folded the paper in half, and continued to fold it until it was about the size of his palm. Then he carefully held a corner to the lamp flame, making sure it was burning well before dropping it into the ashtray.

They watched the paper quickly turn to ash and Mike leaned across the desk until he was almost nose-to-nose with the older man. "There's a reason why they call it 'war' Jerry," he said firmly, but low, and then straightened up. His dark brown, steady gaze met his friend's troubled gray for a second then he turned away and was gone without another word.

Jerry closed his eyes, dropped his head into his hands, and continued to sit there in that small oasis of light in a dark building as he wrestled with the many ghosts of his past.

* * *

A gaunt black figure slowly emerged from the woods, his hatless head bent into the cold night wind. The full moon cast a crooked, faint shadow on the frosted grass as he stiffly made his way toward the side gate to the cemetery and his many layers of clothing fluttered around him in the swirling air.

He trudged steadily up the rise and didn't stop until he reached the little-used gate to catch his breath. The stiff hinges squealed in protest when he shoved against the wrought-iron bars and it took almost everything he had to open it far enough to slip through. He didn't hear the sound of cloth tearing as he squeezed through the narrow opening, his gaze intently fastened on the largest monument in the Cartwright plot, two stalwart angels facing each other, their wings folded, their hands clasped, and their heads bowed.

Wiping at his watering eyes with both hands, he trudged on, moving faster now that he was on level ground. He didn't stop again until he was standing next to the double plot and in the moon-cast shadow of the mourning angels. His breath plumed in the frosty air and he had to wipe his eyes again to read the inscription for the first time that was deeply incised on the base under the angels' sandaled feet.

"Step softly,  
Many hearts that beat  
Lie wanting here.

Speak quietly,  
Many souls that loved  
Lie sleeping here.

Sing gently,  
Many dreams that waned  
Lie waiting here."

By the time he was finished he was choking on the familiar, impotent fury that always rose in his throat at the mere thought of Adam's name. But this time something strange happened – that fury drained away, leaving his heart cold and filled with shame.

A gut-wrenching sob shook his entire body, knocking him to his knees, and he fell face-first across the frozen mound, lying there limply and crying like a lost child.

"Ma...I'm sorry..."


End file.
